Exactly, Jo. Sometimes I think that if we just accept that the human race consists of many aggressive people and there’s nothing we can do about it, then we’ll think of tailgaters, for instance, as simply obstacles to avoid, not to get mad about.
As much as I hate giving tailgater bully’s the satisfaction of rewarding bad behavior by “allowing” them to go around me… I have to ask myself, do I want to be trying to teach them a lesson or in that moment do I want to be safe and at peace?
I don’t always choose peace, but it does feel better when they are passing me I get to have a good look at who they are and I make up a story about why they are in such a hurry.
Yes, we so often forget that there are many ways to approach what seems like an all or nothing situation. Breathe, take a step back and think outside the box. It’s worked for me many times.
I also move right over for tailgaters these days, and feel my anxiety melt away as they dissappear from my sight. I so appreciate your relatable stories steeped in such wisdom.
That’s a great visual, Kendall; watching as they, and all the stress, just disappear from sight!
It’s so simple. There are problems all over the world. Just because one of them happens to be within our proximity doesn’t mean we should make it special, allow ourselves to get into a state of outrage about it, when it’s so easy to just make it one of those problems that are not within our circle of impact.
It seems that highway speedies travel in packs 🤪. I’ll be driving along, in my “little old lady drive the speed limit” way, and suddenly, there are cars and trucks hemming me in. Just looking at those giant wheels beside me is enough to send the Blood Pressure skyrocketing! I gently ease my foot off the gas a bit and allow the truckers, honkers and middle finger throwing cars blow by, then foot in the gas, I go back up to speed. 😀 it’s SO much easier than resisting.💫
😬 I'm horrified I cannot use strikeouts in comments because what I have to say is SHAMEFUL and should be struck out: Sometimes I'm the tailgater. 😬😬😬😬😬
Trying to move on--
This was so beautiful. SUCH a great reminder. I'm sure there are many areas in my life I can apply this too. 🙏 (((not least of which is to not tailgate people)))
Me too! 😆 But in my defence, the only time I tailgate is when the car is driving too slow in the fast lane (which is not right).
We all need to follow the rules of road which is drive safe while considering others. Slow drivers stay on the right and let the faster ones go. That’s all. Everyone happy. I learned this when driving in Italy lol. Great post as usual Don. 🩵
Grace, sorry, I just have to say this: BE CAREFUL! The highway is so dangerous. When you're going 60 or 70 and something goes wrong right in front of you, there is no time to react.
Okay, lecture is over. Thank you for reading my essay, Grace. 😊🙏
Thanks for this. I loved the two examples of recognizing what we do and don't have control over and exercising our agency to change the situation by taking responsibility for our part in it.
I work with young kids, and there's one child who has meltdowns when others behave in ways he finds upsetting. Each time this happens, I gently explain to him, "You can't control other people's behavior, and if you get upset every time someone does something you don't like, you are going to be upset a lot of the time."
It took me until I was in my 40s to understand what I'm now trying to teach a 7 year-old. But if everyone were to learn this as children, imagine how much more peaceful our world would be.
So true, Gillian, and now that we have instant digital access to just about everything that’s going on in the world it’s more important than ever to acknowledge that we can choose what we pay attention to.
Indeed! I learned years ago in a support group that it's to my benefit to imagine I'm standing in the center of a hula hoop. Everything inside it is my business and concern. Everything outside of it belongs to others. That doesn't mean you don't protest wrongs or take action in the world where and when you are able and feel your voice and presence will be helpful. It does mean not offering unasked for advice, trying to change other people's behavior, or trying to solve other people's problems for them. I have so many friends who have allowed the darkness in the world to consume them. There's probably always going to be tremendous pain, suffering, and cruelty in the world in this lifetime. I believe we do ourselves and others the most good by learning how to hunker down and create havens of peace, even if it's just the space inside our own "hula hoops."
Amen Don. "Wisdom is not the domain of only the spiritually educated or religiously austere. It’s available to anyone who is willing to slow down and reflect, and to reconsider believing and reacting to their first response"... I love the down to earth but wise counsel you give.🙏🏼 Thank you.
Well, now, Daniel, is this a hypothetical or a literal question? 😁 Because I would say; a lot more than just what to avoid. We can learn so much about ourselves and others by trying (and I emphasize trying because no person is perfect) to stand back objectively and observe the experience without reacting to it (or after reacting to it haha). If we ask ourselves why we see it as negative, why we want or don’t want certain things, we can learn more about our own fears and motivations, our self-image and defense system.
So, for instance, if I ask myself honestly why a tailgater makes me so mad, I realize that as much as I’d like to tell myself it’s only because he’s putting me in danger, it is not only that. I’m mad because I want people to care about my feelings, to respect me, to think of me above themselves and their own hurry to get somewhere. My ego is hurt by “rude” people who don’t care about my feelings.
I have learned something from negative situations before, I just have to step back & process them. Dealing with difficult people who get PUSHY happens with me A LOT, & there's NO " one size fits all solution ". I'm having such a situation with a homecare person who apparently thinks she's incapable of doing anything WRONG.
I don't always know exactly when to put my foot down, so I HAVE been taken advantage of a few times. I need to " know when to walk away, know when to run " ( Thanks, Gambler.♠️♥️♦️♣️ ).
Don, Love these beautiful solutions! The seem so skillful like a martial artist who simply steps out of the way. Being the one who racked up unpaid library fines and parking tickets, I feel empathy for Sharon, too.
I’m glad you mentioned the martial artist. I’ve always appreciated the Taoist way of least resistance, using momentum that already exists in your favor, going around rather than through.
Sharon grew up to be a lawyer and a powerful personality who still runs out of gas occasionally and forgets to pay people back for the coffee run lol! 😆
Your example of the Taoist way of least resistance is precisely what I meant! It sounds like Sharon might have ADHD. :-) There are many undiagnosed women in this world.
Your Blockbuster story reminded me how often we feel trapped by circumstances, when really, we have more choices than we realize. It's easy to get stuck in the 'this is how it's always been' mindset, but sometimes, all it takes is a little creative thinking to find a new solution. It's like we're standing in a room with a locked door, but if we just turn around, we might find an open window.
Thank you, Alexander. We could all use an open window now and then, that’s for sure. Sometimes that window is invisible until we focus properly; it appears obvious after we see it but how do we know where to focus in the first place?
The funny thing is, when we vacationed in Tulum, the one person we befriended, and still keep in touch with on Facebook, was Mexican. A lovely young man who was busking in the street and is involved in theater in his hometown. I believe he lives in Mexico City.
Thanks, Jeanine. And thanks for that note about people in Mexico and their responses to our ridiculous president. I enjoyed reading all of the comments.
Sure, Don. It makes me sad the drama that will unfold. There truly is a clash of cultures. B/c MX is so accommodating, you know how it is, to everyone, I think expats take advantage and don't try to learn the language. That's why it was perfect that Michael approached the guy--b/c he speaks excellent Spanish and also is a person of great empathy.
No, Tony lives on Isla Mujeres. Michael is the German photographer who lives in the hinterland (Maya outback) as he calls it, in a wood and palapa structure. When he first moved to PM he did a lot of photography work for local realtors.
Reminded me of the old two-liner:
"Why do you keep hitting your head with that hammer?"
"Because it feels so good when I stop."
That’s a good one, Bob. I think it’s true that many of us would rather stay mad than let go and stop hammering.
We seek contradictions and pain to feel alive. It’s optional though
I don't see the point in getting in a twist over small stressful events and not allowing stress to take the lead one will find like life is better
Exactly, Jo. Sometimes I think that if we just accept that the human race consists of many aggressive people and there’s nothing we can do about it, then we’ll think of tailgaters, for instance, as simply obstacles to avoid, not to get mad about.
As much as I hate giving tailgater bully’s the satisfaction of rewarding bad behavior by “allowing” them to go around me… I have to ask myself, do I want to be trying to teach them a lesson or in that moment do I want to be safe and at peace?
I don’t always choose peace, but it does feel better when they are passing me I get to have a good look at who they are and I make up a story about why they are in such a hurry.
Ha ha, that’s a good idea. Thanks, Gail! 🙏😊
Yes, we so often forget that there are many ways to approach what seems like an all or nothing situation. Breathe, take a step back and think outside the box. It’s worked for me many times.
That’s great to hear. Thanks for reading, Rachel! 🙏💚
I also move right over for tailgaters these days, and feel my anxiety melt away as they dissappear from my sight. I so appreciate your relatable stories steeped in such wisdom.
That’s a great visual, Kendall; watching as they, and all the stress, just disappear from sight!
It’s so simple. There are problems all over the world. Just because one of them happens to be within our proximity doesn’t mean we should make it special, allow ourselves to get into a state of outrage about it, when it’s so easy to just make it one of those problems that are not within our circle of impact.
It really is so simple... we have more choice than we sometimes give ourselves credit for to just hold things lightly, and allow them to pass.
I love hearing that you do this too!
It seems that highway speedies travel in packs 🤪. I’ll be driving along, in my “little old lady drive the speed limit” way, and suddenly, there are cars and trucks hemming me in. Just looking at those giant wheels beside me is enough to send the Blood Pressure skyrocketing! I gently ease my foot off the gas a bit and allow the truckers, honkers and middle finger throwing cars blow by, then foot in the gas, I go back up to speed. 😀 it’s SO much easier than resisting.💫
Sometimes I feel like those giant trucks should have their own road. They are indeed very intimidating!
😬 I'm horrified I cannot use strikeouts in comments because what I have to say is SHAMEFUL and should be struck out: Sometimes I'm the tailgater. 😬😬😬😬😬
Trying to move on--
This was so beautiful. SUCH a great reminder. I'm sure there are many areas in my life I can apply this too. 🙏 (((not least of which is to not tailgate people)))
Haha, thank you, Megan! 🩷
Me too! 😆 But in my defence, the only time I tailgate is when the car is driving too slow in the fast lane (which is not right).
We all need to follow the rules of road which is drive safe while considering others. Slow drivers stay on the right and let the faster ones go. That’s all. Everyone happy. I learned this when driving in Italy lol. Great post as usual Don. 🩵
Grace, sorry, I just have to say this: BE CAREFUL! The highway is so dangerous. When you're going 60 or 70 and something goes wrong right in front of you, there is no time to react.
Okay, lecture is over. Thank you for reading my essay, Grace. 😊🙏
Thanks for this. I loved the two examples of recognizing what we do and don't have control over and exercising our agency to change the situation by taking responsibility for our part in it.
I work with young kids, and there's one child who has meltdowns when others behave in ways he finds upsetting. Each time this happens, I gently explain to him, "You can't control other people's behavior, and if you get upset every time someone does something you don't like, you are going to be upset a lot of the time."
It took me until I was in my 40s to understand what I'm now trying to teach a 7 year-old. But if everyone were to learn this as children, imagine how much more peaceful our world would be.
That is such a great way of looking at it, Gillian. I’ll remember the hula hoop theory! 🙏💚
So true, Gillian, and now that we have instant digital access to just about everything that’s going on in the world it’s more important than ever to acknowledge that we can choose what we pay attention to.
Indeed! I learned years ago in a support group that it's to my benefit to imagine I'm standing in the center of a hula hoop. Everything inside it is my business and concern. Everything outside of it belongs to others. That doesn't mean you don't protest wrongs or take action in the world where and when you are able and feel your voice and presence will be helpful. It does mean not offering unasked for advice, trying to change other people's behavior, or trying to solve other people's problems for them. I have so many friends who have allowed the darkness in the world to consume them. There's probably always going to be tremendous pain, suffering, and cruelty in the world in this lifetime. I believe we do ourselves and others the most good by learning how to hunker down and create havens of peace, even if it's just the space inside our own "hula hoops."
Amen Don. "Wisdom is not the domain of only the spiritually educated or religiously austere. It’s available to anyone who is willing to slow down and reflect, and to reconsider believing and reacting to their first response"... I love the down to earth but wise counsel you give.🙏🏼 Thank you.
Thank you, Ian! 🙏💚
So many people think that knowledge & wisdom are equal. NOPE, NO THEY AIN'T.
How much can one learn / take away from a NEGATIVE experience, except what to avoid ?
Well, now, Daniel, is this a hypothetical or a literal question? 😁 Because I would say; a lot more than just what to avoid. We can learn so much about ourselves and others by trying (and I emphasize trying because no person is perfect) to stand back objectively and observe the experience without reacting to it (or after reacting to it haha). If we ask ourselves why we see it as negative, why we want or don’t want certain things, we can learn more about our own fears and motivations, our self-image and defense system.
So, for instance, if I ask myself honestly why a tailgater makes me so mad, I realize that as much as I’d like to tell myself it’s only because he’s putting me in danger, it is not only that. I’m mad because I want people to care about my feelings, to respect me, to think of me above themselves and their own hurry to get somewhere. My ego is hurt by “rude” people who don’t care about my feelings.
Thanks, Daniel!
I have learned something from negative situations before, I just have to step back & process them. Dealing with difficult people who get PUSHY happens with me A LOT, & there's NO " one size fits all solution ". I'm having such a situation with a homecare person who apparently thinks she's incapable of doing anything WRONG.
Thank YOU !
Yeah, it’s a lot easier when it’s a stranger you can watch drive away and never torment you again! Sorry you’re dealing with this, Daniel. 💚🙏
I don't always know exactly when to put my foot down, so I HAVE been taken advantage of a few times. I need to " know when to walk away, know when to run " ( Thanks, Gambler.♠️♥️♦️♣️ ).
Listening to your voice is so calming, thank you.
Thank you so much; that really means a lot to me! 🙏💚
Don, Love these beautiful solutions! The seem so skillful like a martial artist who simply steps out of the way. Being the one who racked up unpaid library fines and parking tickets, I feel empathy for Sharon, too.
I’m glad you mentioned the martial artist. I’ve always appreciated the Taoist way of least resistance, using momentum that already exists in your favor, going around rather than through.
Sharon grew up to be a lawyer and a powerful personality who still runs out of gas occasionally and forgets to pay people back for the coffee run lol! 😆
Your example of the Taoist way of least resistance is precisely what I meant! It sounds like Sharon might have ADHD. :-) There are many undiagnosed women in this world.
Two different rhythms to the rap…
Your Blockbuster story reminded me how often we feel trapped by circumstances, when really, we have more choices than we realize. It's easy to get stuck in the 'this is how it's always been' mindset, but sometimes, all it takes is a little creative thinking to find a new solution. It's like we're standing in a room with a locked door, but if we just turn around, we might find an open window.
Thank you, Alexander. We could all use an open window now and then, that’s for sure. Sometimes that window is invisible until we focus properly; it appears obvious after we see it but how do we know where to focus in the first place?
Well, if we ever figure that formula out, we will be rich men. Haha!
Gorgeous. I've done the same with tailgaters for years. We can't change another person, but we almost always have choices about how we show up 😊
Exactly. Thanks Vicki! 🙂
Very calming, Don. Thanks.
I see. You have lots of interesting friends down there!
Quite a potpourri. So many people from so many places. You've seen it, Don, it's a real amalgamation.
The funny thing is, when we vacationed in Tulum, the one person we befriended, and still keep in touch with on Facebook, was Mexican. A lovely young man who was busking in the street and is involved in theater in his hometown. I believe he lives in Mexico City.
Thanks, Jeanine. And thanks for that note about people in Mexico and their responses to our ridiculous president. I enjoyed reading all of the comments.
Sure, Don. It makes me sad the drama that will unfold. There truly is a clash of cultures. B/c MX is so accommodating, you know how it is, to everyone, I think expats take advantage and don't try to learn the language. That's why it was perfect that Michael approached the guy--b/c he speaks excellent Spanish and also is a person of great empathy.
I think this may be the same photographer you had mentioned once before, and I looked him up on Facebook
Or maybe not
No, Tony lives on Isla Mujeres. Michael is the German photographer who lives in the hinterland (Maya outback) as he calls it, in a wood and palapa structure. When he first moved to PM he did a lot of photography work for local realtors.