Your Wisdom Awaits
Find it in Traffic, Find it at the Store, Find it Within
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My friend, Elizabeth, tells the story of how, as teens, she and her younger sister, Sharon, fought constantly over the family Blockbuster Video membership. Sharon would often return videos late, using the night-time drop box, and as a result, whenever Elizabeth tried to rent a movie, she would be forced to pay Sharon’s late fee. The sisters argued and argued over this but nothing ever changed. The late fees and the fights went on for a year or two, until one day it occurred to Elizabeth that, being well above the minimum age required for membership, all she had to do was open her own account; then she wouldn’t have to deal with her sister’s irresponsible habits any more.
The Great Blockbuster Video Feud ended instantly.
Elizabeth says she doesn’t know where the idea came from; it just popped into her head. She also doesn’t know why she hadn’t thought of it sooner. It seems to be the nature of such insights to appear out of nowhere, in their own good time.
I share a similar story of solving a seemingly unsolvable problem, one that involves the impossibility of changing another’s behavior, by circumventing the issue altogether.
Tailgaters. Can’t stand them. Who can? It’s not only maddening when someone rides your you-know-what in traffic or on the highway, it’s also dangerous and scary.
I don’t actually remember receiving any lightning insights from mysterious sources on this one. I just know that at some point in my life I realized that all I have to do is pull over and let the tailgater pass. When I do that, my stress level instantly goes from a hundred to zero, and I can relax and drive in peace. I do this regardless of what road I’m on (unless it’s dangerous to do so), and I do it before I get anxious or mad. I see someone’s menacing grill in my rear-view mirror and I just put on my turn signal and cautiously pull as far as I can onto the shoulder. I’ll admit that the passive-aggressive little devil in me hopes the tailgater comprehends as they pass that they just frightened a poor driver off the road, haha, but that’s not my purpose for making the move. My purpose is to make my own life more pleasant and less fraught by eliminating stress-inducing circumstances. The technique works perfectly!
Elizabeth doesn’t know where her genius idea to open her own Blockbuster membership came from, but I feel sure it came during or following a period of tranquility or relative peace, however short that period may have been. The same goes for my defensive driving strategy. Quieting and uncluttering the mind can leave room for insights to enter and wisdom to grow. That’s one of the best reasons to create some sort of meditation or relaxation practice.
Maintaining one’s composure in the face of stressful circumstances can be enhanced through planning and intention, and then working at keeping those intentions in mind. Equanimity is then reinforced by following through on those objectives (for example: I’m calm when I see I’m being tailgated because I know I have a plan, and then when the car has passed, I’m even more calm). But it all starts with grasping that there are alternative solutions to a problem. That’s insight, and obviously one’s inner-sight is improved by keeping the mind-space open and clear, ready to receive. Understanding and practicing all this is wisdom.
Wisdom is not the domain of only the spiritually educated or religiously austere. It’s available to anyone who is willing to slow down and reflect, and to reconsider believing and reacting to their first response (“Tailgaters must be stopped!” “Little sisters must learn to be more responsible!”). A little contemplation goes a long way.
I recommend some form of meditation, and always; plenty of quiet time outdoors! 🙏💚
DB
Reflective Time→Clarity→Insight→Wisdom
*Buddha-themed text divider designed by
Reminded me of the old two-liner:
"Why do you keep hitting your head with that hammer?"
"Because it feels so good when I stop."
I don't see the point in getting in a twist over small stressful events and not allowing stress to take the lead one will find like life is better