Learning to suffer better leads me to suffering less…this has been my mantra/focus/path and has helped me to cultivate so much peace. It’s not about no suffering, it’s simply about practicing how to suffer better so I’m not consumed by it. This spirit in a human body business is a perfectly imperfect cosmically beautiful mess 🫠🤭🤗🙏🪷
Recently a new collector inquired about how much would a weavings value and collectability be diminished if the weaver made a mistake in the mirror image of the design. The answer is zero.
Navajo are deeply religious. They believe nothing is perfect, except for the Gods. They were given the gift of weaving by the Gods and taught by Spiderwoman herself - an important deity to the Navajo. To honor the Gods, Navajo weavers deliberately incorporate an imperfection. "
I have heard this, and I love this idea! It also reminds me of the cracked Japanese pots that are mended with gold, rather than attempting to make the crack invisible.
Wonderful! "It isn’t eliminating suffering that is the product of awakening; it is just realizing that suffering is part of the full human experience and accepting it instead of resisting it." This line truly resonated with me, as I feel like I'm still in the process of fully grasping this thought. I have been guilty of chasing my 'higher self' for a certain time in my life until I realized that the pursuit of that awakened state is making me more unhappy than fulfilled. So I learned to accept, embrace the present...and see things for what they are. I often remind myself "I am exactly where I'm supposed to be right now.." whenever I feel like the chase is making me restless, and your post is an absolutely wonderful reminder of that truth.
I’m so glad, Sonaakshi, thank you! It’s really a very subtle state to be in; not giving up but also not chasing dreams of perfection. Just accepting, and finding the wisdom and light in that acceptance alone. (and not falling for the idea that through this state of non-resistance, one will achieve a non-suffering or blissful state).
I have a cheeky little mantra that incorporates what, for me, is a critical part your much more elegantly articulated message: "Better living through lowered expectations."
It's tricky, because we don't want to advocate giving up or giving in in the sense that we've thrown up our hands or lost all motivation to seek or grow. I don't (ab)use it that way. But it does remind me that I am in control of my responses to everything life throws at me, and managing my imagination is often my most difficult task.
Thank you so much, Elizabeth. I’m glad you like it!
My wife has a similar mantra: “Low expectations, high serenity.” ‘
I was just sharing a very similar message to yours with another commenter; that it’s a subtle balance between giving up altogether and chasing dreams of freedom from suffering. I guess that’s what the Buddhist and mindfulness literature means by “non-resistance.” (If they only wouldn’t add in the pipe dream of “enlightenment.” I do believe one can be enlightened, but it doesn’t mean, as so many believe, escaping all suffering.)
The more we know, the more we know we don't know. I suspect it is likely us who made enlightenment mean something it was never meant to mean. Then again, the Buddhists were also "just people."
I was listening to a dharma talk by Joseph Goldstein on the Satipatthana sutta and he told a story that I was reminded of by your post. He said that as a young man he was traveling in India and had been experiencing painful tension headaches for some time. They were experienced as very unpleasant. He was telling his Indian teacher at the time (the name escapes me at the moment) about the headaches. Joseph said, "all he said was 'I hope you are enjoying them.'" This was transformative for Joseph A window opened in his mind that all phenomena are dharma, that even unpleasant experiences can be a source of happiness.
Thanks for sharing this great story from Joseph Goldstein, Ed. Goldstein is one of my favorite authors.
I saw that you had responded to my essay directly on email, and I was going to respond to that there. But here in the app really is much better, so thank you, Ed! 🙏💚
That's awesome. I too have held onto this idea that certain things, my ocd compulsions, for example, will someday go away. I guess they may not. And that's okay, or that's not okay, and that's okay.
Thank you Don for sharing. Your experience resonates with me. My experience with
meditation has taught me to see things as they truly are, calming my mind and revealing profound insights. When I’ve repeatedly gotten triggered by something, it's often a sign of a deeper, lingering issue. Release may take time, even years. It’s an in and out of awareness for me. As meditators, we sometimes expect ourselves to be immune to triggers. Yet, embracing our imperfection is key to finding peace through life's imperfections. I believe there is so much beauty in imperfections, to the point of always being in gratitude about them. I’m in an imperfect journey that shapes the person I have become.
It's taken me decades to develop this awareness, but now when a trigger arises, I recognize it instantly. I accept it, rather than resisting or judging it. I’m curious and remind myself to explore its roots. This subtle shift has transformed my relationship with my emotions. I welcome each trigger as a valuable messenger, thanking it for revealing hidden patterns and inviting me to be gentle with myself in this imperfect journey. 🙏🏽
I love this, Yolanda. Welcoming each trigger as a valuable messenger! That’s an evolved outlook there. Thank you so much for sharing these lovely thoughts and insights with me! 🙏💚
It takes a wise man to realize that being a mess is a part of the human condition, and that the one and only thing a deep meditation practice can offer is not getting stuck in the mess for an overly long time. Thank you for your wisdom, Don!
If life doesn't have an element or elements of messiness, if we don't recognize them in our lives, it's my PERSONAL BELIEF & only my personal belief that we're doing something, I don't know, WRONG, MAYBE ? I can't really think of another, better way to put it.
As an example, when I POST something It rarely starts out that way. I edit it, re - edit it, then edit the re - editing. OCD plays into this quite a LOT.
Thank you, Daniel. Personally, I’ve never met anyone whose life didn’t have messiness it it. But the “enlightenment” literature can lead one to believe there is a way out of it, or a way to not be disturbed by it.
We will be disturbed, because disturbed is human, disturbed is possible. As they say, if it can happen, it will happen. 😊
"I was suddenly able to accept that life and relating is messy. LIFE IS MESSY. For everyone. Not just for those who aren’t enlightened or awake yet. If we want to be in relationship with others, which is life, then we must accept that it will be imperfect."
My first husband was constantly seeking "enlightenment" - and I was constantly saying "I want to feel life, all of it, even the ugly bits". Well, he gave me plenty of those ugly bits, especially right before he left me to go become a monk. I believe he lives in an ashram now where he is insulated from a lot of the external things of life that bring the messiness.
I choose to dive deep into the messiness. That doesn't mean I want drama in my life. It just means that I'm excited about the adventures. All of them. Even and especially the messy ones because they usually turn into the stories I remember the most and the times I grow and evolve the most.
Right, Teri! “Insulated” doesn’t lead to anything but stagnation, I think. But I guess it has more to do with attitude than environment. We each gotta follow our own path, right? Yours took you away from the monk, thank goodness! 💜
Haha me? I recently went to a house comedy performance, and one of the performers tried to get us all involved in laugh therapy. I am just way too self-conscious for such things. 😞
yeah, I wouldn’t be game for a laugh therapy session at a performance either. But laughter yoga class was awesome. I’ve only done it a couple times, and felt my belly muscles intensely the next day.
Congratulations! It sounds like you’ve found/experienced a new layer of acceptance, hidden in plain sight as usual but sometimes it takes time for our eyes to adjust to their environment and see what has been there all along.
Great post, one of the best I’ve read so far since entering the substack realm. Many thanks.
I love this, Don. I've certainly experienced and been motivated by the desire to "get somewhere" in my own life, to reach a point where I don't hurt anymore. As you say, it doesn't happen. I've found realizing that to be an incredible relief. I get to be human, along with everybody else.
Learning to suffer better leads me to suffering less…this has been my mantra/focus/path and has helped me to cultivate so much peace. It’s not about no suffering, it’s simply about practicing how to suffer better so I’m not consumed by it. This spirit in a human body business is a perfectly imperfect cosmically beautiful mess 🫠🤭🤗🙏🪷
What a positive outlook! I like that; “suffering better leads to suffering less.” Thank you, Deanna! 🙏💚
Agreed, Deanna. When I accept suffering as part of the story, I suffer less. Thank you.
We are like the baskets
"Intentional Flaw? Deliberate Mistake? Perfectly Imperfect?
Recently a new collector inquired about how much would a weavings value and collectability be diminished if the weaver made a mistake in the mirror image of the design. The answer is zero.
Navajo are deeply religious. They believe nothing is perfect, except for the Gods. They were given the gift of weaving by the Gods and taught by Spiderwoman herself - an important deity to the Navajo. To honor the Gods, Navajo weavers deliberately incorporate an imperfection. "
I have heard this, and I love this idea! It also reminds me of the cracked Japanese pots that are mended with gold, rather than attempting to make the crack invisible.
Thank you! 🙏💚
The visual of weaving is very helpful. Thank you.
Sweet acceptance.
Life is a full spectrum experience. 💔❤️🩹💖
Experience and motion can only exist with differences. ⏺️▶️
“I've looked at life from both sides now ☯️
From win and lose and still somehow
It's life's illusions I recall
I really don't know life at all”
—Joni Mitchell
Nice, thank you! 🙏💚
Don, My take - life without messiness would only be half a life. To live fully is to embrace all of it. Great post. D
Thanks, Dave! You speak the truth!
Wonderful! "It isn’t eliminating suffering that is the product of awakening; it is just realizing that suffering is part of the full human experience and accepting it instead of resisting it." This line truly resonated with me, as I feel like I'm still in the process of fully grasping this thought. I have been guilty of chasing my 'higher self' for a certain time in my life until I realized that the pursuit of that awakened state is making me more unhappy than fulfilled. So I learned to accept, embrace the present...and see things for what they are. I often remind myself "I am exactly where I'm supposed to be right now.." whenever I feel like the chase is making me restless, and your post is an absolutely wonderful reminder of that truth.
I’m so glad, Sonaakshi, thank you! It’s really a very subtle state to be in; not giving up but also not chasing dreams of perfection. Just accepting, and finding the wisdom and light in that acceptance alone. (and not falling for the idea that through this state of non-resistance, one will achieve a non-suffering or blissful state).
OHhh, I really love this one, Don!
I have a cheeky little mantra that incorporates what, for me, is a critical part your much more elegantly articulated message: "Better living through lowered expectations."
It's tricky, because we don't want to advocate giving up or giving in in the sense that we've thrown up our hands or lost all motivation to seek or grow. I don't (ab)use it that way. But it does remind me that I am in control of my responses to everything life throws at me, and managing my imagination is often my most difficult task.
Thanks for a lovely morning read.
Thank you so much, Elizabeth. I’m glad you like it!
My wife has a similar mantra: “Low expectations, high serenity.” ‘
I was just sharing a very similar message to yours with another commenter; that it’s a subtle balance between giving up altogether and chasing dreams of freedom from suffering. I guess that’s what the Buddhist and mindfulness literature means by “non-resistance.” (If they only wouldn’t add in the pipe dream of “enlightenment.” I do believe one can be enlightened, but it doesn’t mean, as so many believe, escaping all suffering.)
The more we know, the more we know we don't know. I suspect it is likely us who made enlightenment mean something it was never meant to mean. Then again, the Buddhists were also "just people."
Yes, you're right, Elizabeth! 💚
Samadhi is often mistaken as enlightenment. We sometimes catch glimpses of eternity and that joy is timeless.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jfpJhIROZVs
Elvis Presley - I Believe (Official Audio) - YouTube
Love that Elizabeth!
I was listening to a dharma talk by Joseph Goldstein on the Satipatthana sutta and he told a story that I was reminded of by your post. He said that as a young man he was traveling in India and had been experiencing painful tension headaches for some time. They were experienced as very unpleasant. He was telling his Indian teacher at the time (the name escapes me at the moment) about the headaches. Joseph said, "all he said was 'I hope you are enjoying them.'" This was transformative for Joseph A window opened in his mind that all phenomena are dharma, that even unpleasant experiences can be a source of happiness.
With loving kindness,
Ed
Thanks for sharing this great story from Joseph Goldstein, Ed. Goldstein is one of my favorite authors.
I saw that you had responded to my essay directly on email, and I was going to respond to that there. But here in the app really is much better, so thank you, Ed! 🙏💚
miss seeing you at the sangha meetings. hope you're well.
That's awesome. I too have held onto this idea that certain things, my ocd compulsions, for example, will someday go away. I guess they may not. And that's okay, or that's not okay, and that's okay.
Marc, thanks for making me laugh with that last sentence! 😅🙏
Thank you Don for sharing. Your experience resonates with me. My experience with
meditation has taught me to see things as they truly are, calming my mind and revealing profound insights. When I’ve repeatedly gotten triggered by something, it's often a sign of a deeper, lingering issue. Release may take time, even years. It’s an in and out of awareness for me. As meditators, we sometimes expect ourselves to be immune to triggers. Yet, embracing our imperfection is key to finding peace through life's imperfections. I believe there is so much beauty in imperfections, to the point of always being in gratitude about them. I’m in an imperfect journey that shapes the person I have become.
It's taken me decades to develop this awareness, but now when a trigger arises, I recognize it instantly. I accept it, rather than resisting or judging it. I’m curious and remind myself to explore its roots. This subtle shift has transformed my relationship with my emotions. I welcome each trigger as a valuable messenger, thanking it for revealing hidden patterns and inviting me to be gentle with myself in this imperfect journey. 🙏🏽
I love this, Yolanda. Welcoming each trigger as a valuable messenger! That’s an evolved outlook there. Thank you so much for sharing these lovely thoughts and insights with me! 🙏💚
Such a powerful and insightful realization, Don.
As many times as I’ve seen this in my experience, my mind still clings to the belief that someday I will arrive. And when I do, all will be well.
This remains one of the most persistent illusions. I’m laughing as I tap the keys.
Thank you for another revealing and thought-provoking essay. 🤗
Me too, Ryan, and I will forget again as well!
Thanks so much! 🙏💚
I meant to add, "May this realization be felt within every cell of your being."
But to your point, permanent transcendence is not the point. :)
It takes a wise man to realize that being a mess is a part of the human condition, and that the one and only thing a deep meditation practice can offer is not getting stuck in the mess for an overly long time. Thank you for your wisdom, Don!
Thanks Maia. Bunches of love to you!🥰
We’re sharing similar thoughts this week Don. And so is Nan Tepper over at “The Next Write Thing”.
I also just wrote about being with what is. It’s not always easy, but I believe it helps. And. Today is a hard day. Some days just are.
I’ve found I have a longer fuse when it comes to needing solace from others. And I don’t turn away from the messiness.
Thank you for sharing your humanity.
I'm sorry you're having a hard day, Teyani. You're right, some days just are. I'll take a look at your post, and try to find Nan Tepper's. 🙏💚
If life doesn't have an element or elements of messiness, if we don't recognize them in our lives, it's my PERSONAL BELIEF & only my personal belief that we're doing something, I don't know, WRONG, MAYBE ? I can't really think of another, better way to put it.
As an example, when I POST something It rarely starts out that way. I edit it, re - edit it, then edit the re - editing. OCD plays into this quite a LOT.
Thank you, Daniel. Personally, I’ve never met anyone whose life didn’t have messiness it it. But the “enlightenment” literature can lead one to believe there is a way out of it, or a way to not be disturbed by it.
We will be disturbed, because disturbed is human, disturbed is possible. As they say, if it can happen, it will happen. 😊
Life is neve as organized, tidy or neat as many of us would like. & it would be VERY BORING if it was !
"I was suddenly able to accept that life and relating is messy. LIFE IS MESSY. For everyone. Not just for those who aren’t enlightened or awake yet. If we want to be in relationship with others, which is life, then we must accept that it will be imperfect."
My first husband was constantly seeking "enlightenment" - and I was constantly saying "I want to feel life, all of it, even the ugly bits". Well, he gave me plenty of those ugly bits, especially right before he left me to go become a monk. I believe he lives in an ashram now where he is insulated from a lot of the external things of life that bring the messiness.
I choose to dive deep into the messiness. That doesn't mean I want drama in my life. It just means that I'm excited about the adventures. All of them. Even and especially the messy ones because they usually turn into the stories I remember the most and the times I grow and evolve the most.
Right, Teri! “Insulated” doesn’t lead to anything but stagnation, I think. But I guess it has more to do with attitude than environment. We each gotta follow our own path, right? Yours took you away from the monk, thank goodness! 💜
There’s definitely something to the simple concept of marrying the person who makes you laugh. Hobbit really makes me laugh. I like the laughter.
Laughter is the best medicine!
have you ever taken a laughter yoga class? amazing experience.
Haha me? I recently went to a house comedy performance, and one of the performers tried to get us all involved in laugh therapy. I am just way too self-conscious for such things. 😞
yeah, I wouldn’t be game for a laugh therapy session at a performance either. But laughter yoga class was awesome. I’ve only done it a couple times, and felt my belly muscles intensely the next day.
Congratulations! It sounds like you’ve found/experienced a new layer of acceptance, hidden in plain sight as usual but sometimes it takes time for our eyes to adjust to their environment and see what has been there all along.
Great post, one of the best I’ve read so far since entering the substack realm. Many thanks.
Wow, thanks, Joris, that’s a heck of a compliment!
Yes, hidden in plain sight, indeed. The veil of conditioned, expected, or assumed beliefs can be thick! 🙏💚
I love this, Don. I've certainly experienced and been motivated by the desire to "get somewhere" in my own life, to reach a point where I don't hurt anymore. As you say, it doesn't happen. I've found realizing that to be an incredible relief. I get to be human, along with everybody else.
Thank you, Emily. It is a relief, for sure! Isn't it strange, that the more we realize we're not special, the better things go for us? 💚
yes, true. we’re ordinary, which is pretty amazing.