Thanks for sharing your process Don! Just adding my experience in case it’s helpful for anyone.
I notice stress in my body first either through a sharp pain in my upper back or by observing I’m shaking my leg. I usually find I want to be ‘there’, somewhere in the future, with some future result, rather than where I am. Then talking to myself about the reality of why I am where I am, and the benefit of any journey, helps me zoom out, which eventuality walks me away from the stress.
When asked, “are you a good listener?” most folks only think about how we attend to others. Not ourselves. I love how you focus on self attention here and the ROI when we make that a regular practice. Hard to do when we are submerged in the attention economy of everyday life and the modern world.
Dropping in before looking out has been a game changer for me and still is something I need to continue to work on. Thanks for this one, Don. Super helpful. 🙏🏼
Love this, Allison. I tell myself that if I don't listen to me, give myself attention, I can't really listen well to others or be with them in helpful ways.
I understood that giving others the space to simply listen was powerful and effective in making them feel heard, like you write in your post. But this paragraph surprised me:
"This same loving attention can be applied to myself when I have problems. If I’m stressed out by something that I can’t seem to fix or change, I just sit down comfortably somewhere, or go for a quiet walk alone, and try to listen, to observe my stress without judging it or resisting it or trying to stop it. I give this feeling my undivided attention."
I never imagined I could do the same for myself. I will be carrying this forward. Thank you!
Have you ever read Thich Nhat Hanh? I like how he puts it; we should treat our own painful feelings and emotions with the same gentle loving attention as we would a crying baby. 💚💚
Don, I'm inspired by your willingness to slow down and pay attention to your stress. What a gorgeous approach if we dare to stop. I also appreciate your direct lesson on impermanence—even stress eventually dissolves.
Spot on, Don. You and M.O. - "Pay attention. Be astonished. Tell about it." I boils down to that. You're in good company. Truth is, you are good company.
Aw, thank you so much, Gary! And for once, I understood an abbreviation; Mary Oliver! Someone else, in the comments to this post, used ROI on me and I had to look it up ha ha (return on investment).
I like to sit in just quiet and not think of anything it took me a while to learn to shut my thoughts off and not let my mind drift this I can do for a couple of minutes which is better then a couple of seconds. My body doesn't handle stress well it makes me shake more, Parkinson's and stress don't go well together, the main reason I have been working on controlling stress and avoiding stressful situations
Thanks Don. I could think there’s nothing new in your words, then immediately laugh at myself ☺️ Of course it’s not new. Yet, as with all meditation and being in the moment, we need reminders and prompts. This pause to read your piece was one of those healthy, helpful moments.
I’m pleased, thank you, Lorne! It’s true what you say, there is little new to say under the sun, but that’s the art of writing, isn’t it? Saying something in a way that reaches the heart. 💜
Yes. Just read a good piece on the value of creative works that are not ‘all new’ and ‘breaking new ground’ … by Elizabeth Blair, Lullabies & Alarms (here on Substack - link didn’t seem to copy over for me)
"Focusing on this deeper question, trying to actually become aware of stress as a feeling in my body rather than as a thought process very often results in those racing thoughts settling down on their own." Learning anti-rumination strategies (primarily, focusing on the feelings and learning what they have to teach me) has been a game-changer for my mental health.
The gift of attention - It's very ironic that people who are paid to help other people oftentimes have the attention - span of A GNAT. I usually have to repeat myself at least TWICE. It's as if most of them can't keep a thought in their heads for more than TWO SECONDS ! A bit SAD. Clarification = I was referring to HOMECARE PEOPLE.
I was under the impression that people that provide homecare are there to help with the physical aspects of living. Perhaps if you saw them less as being there to listen and more as being there to assist with activities of daily living, you would reach a more peaceful place?
I have been conflicted on that for quite a while on that. My folks have advised me that I should JUST treat them as employees, but when they talk about family, home life, etc., it's difficult to regard them as just people putting in 40 hours for a paycheck.
Point taken. That's a tough one. Your aides talk about their personal life and you don't feel heard when you tell them about yours. I hope you will be able to resolve that one in a way that contributes to your tranquility.
I've had a few on the other side of the coin that were irritating, ignorant - sounding, at least one that had done PRISON TIME & stole money / personal property, & a couple that thought that she was / they were there to show me the light / win me to God. as it were. THERE IS NO SINGLE set of uniform boundaries, it appears.....
The line that really struck me was: 'Peace is there for you when you're ready for it.' It's such a simple yet profound truth. We often search for peace in external circumstances, but it's always within us, waiting to be discovered. Your article reminds us that the path to peace is through attention, through tuning in to the present moment.
That is a rather key point, isn't it? Thank you, Alexander! And comments and conversations like this help both the reader and the writer to remember! 🙏😊
The temptation to ignore ourselves and soldier on is great. Holding space. Allowing a slow down. Naming it. All of these things honor our selves. To truly listen is a good reminder. Thank you!
Thanks for sharing your process Don! Just adding my experience in case it’s helpful for anyone.
I notice stress in my body first either through a sharp pain in my upper back or by observing I’m shaking my leg. I usually find I want to be ‘there’, somewhere in the future, with some future result, rather than where I am. Then talking to myself about the reality of why I am where I am, and the benefit of any journey, helps me zoom out, which eventuality walks me away from the stress.
Thank you, Michaela. That’s very helpful advice! 🙏💚
When asked, “are you a good listener?” most folks only think about how we attend to others. Not ourselves. I love how you focus on self attention here and the ROI when we make that a regular practice. Hard to do when we are submerged in the attention economy of everyday life and the modern world.
Dropping in before looking out has been a game changer for me and still is something I need to continue to work on. Thanks for this one, Don. Super helpful. 🙏🏼
Thank you so much, Allison. It’s very helpful for me to hear from others who have experienced the benefit of looking within. 🙏💚
Love this, Allison. I tell myself that if I don't listen to me, give myself attention, I can't really listen well to others or be with them in helpful ways.
Yup! Turning in first (before facing out to others) has so many benefits. Yet, not always easy to do.
Very true.
I understood that giving others the space to simply listen was powerful and effective in making them feel heard, like you write in your post. But this paragraph surprised me:
"This same loving attention can be applied to myself when I have problems. If I’m stressed out by something that I can’t seem to fix or change, I just sit down comfortably somewhere, or go for a quiet walk alone, and try to listen, to observe my stress without judging it or resisting it or trying to stop it. I give this feeling my undivided attention."
I never imagined I could do the same for myself. I will be carrying this forward. Thank you!
I’m so happy to hear that, Raza. Thank you!
Have you ever read Thich Nhat Hanh? I like how he puts it; we should treat our own painful feelings and emotions with the same gentle loving attention as we would a crying baby. 💚💚
Yes!
Thank you, Don. I woke up this morning feeling stressed, anxious and low, and this is just what I needed to help me navigate it.
I’m so glad, thank you, Julia! 🙏💚
Don, I'm inspired by your willingness to slow down and pay attention to your stress. What a gorgeous approach if we dare to stop. I also appreciate your direct lesson on impermanence—even stress eventually dissolves.
Thank you so much, Sandra. It’s a pleasure to hear from you! 🙏💚
Your comment, Sandra, reminds me that I need to take time to stop! thank you
Thanks, Emily!
Spot on, Don. You and M.O. - "Pay attention. Be astonished. Tell about it." I boils down to that. You're in good company. Truth is, you are good company.
Aw, thank you so much, Gary! And for once, I understood an abbreviation; Mary Oliver! Someone else, in the comments to this post, used ROI on me and I had to look it up ha ha (return on investment).
Yes, and then there is the risk/reward ratio if you want to play with that.
Don, This piece is wonderful. Great job! D
Thank you so much, Dave. That’s very kind of you to say! 🙏💚
I like to sit in just quiet and not think of anything it took me a while to learn to shut my thoughts off and not let my mind drift this I can do for a couple of minutes which is better then a couple of seconds. My body doesn't handle stress well it makes me shake more, Parkinson's and stress don't go well together, the main reason I have been working on controlling stress and avoiding stressful situations
A couple of minutes without thoughts is absolutely an accomplishment, Jo! It’s an extremely difficult thing to do.
So sorry you have to deal with that particular health issue. It must be hard. I am thinking of you 🙏💚
Thanks Don. I could think there’s nothing new in your words, then immediately laugh at myself ☺️ Of course it’s not new. Yet, as with all meditation and being in the moment, we need reminders and prompts. This pause to read your piece was one of those healthy, helpful moments.
I’m pleased, thank you, Lorne! It’s true what you say, there is little new to say under the sun, but that’s the art of writing, isn’t it? Saying something in a way that reaches the heart. 💜
Yes. Just read a good piece on the value of creative works that are not ‘all new’ and ‘breaking new ground’ … by Elizabeth Blair, Lullabies & Alarms (here on Substack - link didn’t seem to copy over for me)
Just read Elisabeth’s piece. Excellent! Thanks for sharing, Lorne. 🙏💚
"Focusing on this deeper question, trying to actually become aware of stress as a feeling in my body rather than as a thought process very often results in those racing thoughts settling down on their own." Learning anti-rumination strategies (primarily, focusing on the feelings and learning what they have to teach me) has been a game-changer for my mental health.
Thanks, Derek. And I learn something new; anti-rumination strategy! Thanks for that!! 🙏😊
The gift of attention - It's very ironic that people who are paid to help other people oftentimes have the attention - span of A GNAT. I usually have to repeat myself at least TWICE. It's as if most of them can't keep a thought in their heads for more than TWO SECONDS ! A bit SAD. Clarification = I was referring to HOMECARE PEOPLE.
I was under the impression that people that provide homecare are there to help with the physical aspects of living. Perhaps if you saw them less as being there to listen and more as being there to assist with activities of daily living, you would reach a more peaceful place?
I have been conflicted on that for quite a while on that. My folks have advised me that I should JUST treat them as employees, but when they talk about family, home life, etc., it's difficult to regard them as just people putting in 40 hours for a paycheck.
Point taken. That's a tough one. Your aides talk about their personal life and you don't feel heard when you tell them about yours. I hope you will be able to resolve that one in a way that contributes to your tranquility.
I've had a few on the other side of the coin that were irritating, ignorant - sounding, at least one that had done PRISON TIME & stole money / personal property, & a couple that thought that she was / they were there to show me the light / win me to God. as it were. THERE IS NO SINGLE set of uniform boundaries, it appears.....
a hug for our hearts kinda essay!
A hug right back! Thanks, Mohika. 💚🩷
Beautiful!
Thanks, Dan!
Thank you, Don, for this beautiful essay. I am in the midst of a ton of stress right now, and this honestly helps.
I’ve been intending to reach out to you for many days, Mike! I will do so today. Sorry you’re going through a tough time. 💚
The line that really struck me was: 'Peace is there for you when you're ready for it.' It's such a simple yet profound truth. We often search for peace in external circumstances, but it's always within us, waiting to be discovered. Your article reminds us that the path to peace is through attention, through tuning in to the present moment.
That is a rather key point, isn't it? Thank you, Alexander! And comments and conversations like this help both the reader and the writer to remember! 🙏😊
The temptation to ignore ourselves and soldier on is great. Holding space. Allowing a slow down. Naming it. All of these things honor our selves. To truly listen is a good reminder. Thank you!
Thank you, Heidi. 🙏💚