So often I wonder how we come across to our pets. Does my dog think it's strange that I come and go at the same times everyday? Does your cat wonder why you're playing around with strange things like clothes. And if I pick up a guitar and play wonderfully or I play awful the animals seem to take either in stride.
How strange to sit in a circle for a while. Why not pile up all together as the dogs do? or Stare at each other across a room like cats. Or find a likely log and line up like the birds on a powerline. I don't know but I do like a circle. Maybe that enough.
I think the thing most inspiring about my cat, though, is her ability to sit still for long periods of time, without having to distract herself with useless activity.
I feel a bit of vanity every time I publish a new piece on Wanderlife. I love the writing part, but then it feels uncomfortable to me to put it out as if others might care what I’m thinking/writing about, as if I have something interesting to offer in a world of too-muchness and so many other great writers. But I’m pushing through. There’s a relationship between vanity, confidence, and a self-empowered boldness to just do what feels good and hope that it will carry the integrity and humility of my intentions. Thanks again for some thought-provoking ideas Don!
I understand! I feel the same way. That period after publishing is a real mix. Excitement, knowledge that I'm in a vulnerable place, hoping/dreaming of a runaway hit but also steeling for the more likely disappointment. And all while not working on another piece yet! Things really don't get good again until I get a new idea and start writing.
As far as hoping your writing carries your integrity and humility, I don't think you can help in, Jessica, because you are a sincere, good person and your writing is just an extension of who you are. I hope you keep sharing that love!
(You're not going to believe this but literally as I was writing that last sentence my phone buzzed, I looked, and the alert said, "Wanderlife." If that's not a sign....)
Thank you for recommending Shy Guy... I'm going to Note that this morning.
Thank you for this essay Don. When I find I'm attached to being an expert on something (which is encouraged in the business world) or I am advocating to the point where I am more concerned with what I'm saying than understanding someone else, I practice a question that makes me take a step back, detach from an outcome and enter learner mode. It keeps me humble and learning. The question is simple. "How am I wrong?" It works for me to see that even if I'm not wrong, I may not have the full story. Of course, my cat is always right and my dog is always comforting!
Pretty much this. Been working on not coming off as talking just hear myself do so. Also helps to know the difference between talking to and at someone.
YES, this is precisely what I am experiencing now: the awareness after something flies from my mouth. "But I will remember the lesson eventually because I have practiced and prepared, meditated and reflected, and the result will be that, instead of adding to the suffering in this world, I will subtract from it, bit by little bit." Instead of beating myself up for saying or doing something out of vain, I turn it into gratefulness for remembering "there's a better way" that I can practice next time because . . . there will always be a next time. Thank you, Don.
Don, anything with dogs in it and I'm in! But seriously, I think people should consider getting a dog. You can have (a) a loyal mate, (b) who loves you regardless, and (c) always adds to the philosophical conversations we're always having. And all while walking in the reserve...
Oh, Don, this is giving me many thoughts about how vain I am, but not as much as I was previously. My turning point was when I lost my hair (and nearly my life) to cancer a few years ago, I became wholy aware of how much more there is to life than vanity. As an artist though, I can't help needing validation, but also, I'm learning to create for me, not to show or sell. As you say, "Being human isn't easy." But I wouldn't have it any other way. It's great to find your work and meditations! I love the animal pics!
Thank you, Maureen. Thanks for reading and for taking the time to comment! I'm glad you recovered (I hope fully?) from cancer. As they say, cancer sucks! Take care 🩷
‘….these two traits are closely related, and in fact, stem from the same place: the hunger for validation.’
This is a valid and interesting point, Don.
It does indeed help if we’re able to be more aware of our feelings and what factors give rise to them. That way, we can start to change our mindsets for the better and develop more peace of mind.
Thanks, Raveen. And, this awareness of feelings, whenever we activate it, serves to immediately pull us back to the present. And just being there actually causes the world and life to not look so daunting.
Thanks for commenting. I really appreciate hearing from you!
Thank you so much for sharing these words Don - they have a beautiful openness and self-awareness/interrogation that is rare to find and really inspiring to learn from. You've made me reflect a little more on the ways in which I need to seem "big" and chase that missing validation. And I appreciate the lessons from your lovely cat, sometimes we are all just a little confused by life (and it is completely bewildering why someone could disappear into the bathroom and not let you in! My cat has a similar struggle)
I've found practicing humility before and after hitting 'publish' to help with this kind of thing. That way I get to move on quickly to the next piece, no matter what happens. More time giving help to others that way as well.
Another excellent and educational essay from you, Don! I really appreciate your attention to detail: pointing out that sometimes the feelings that drive our actions can be very fleeting, yet they can be powerful still; keeping in mind that just because we learn (or better, continue to learn) the lessons of mindfulness doesn't mean we're immune to vanity and other fleeting emotions. Your writing is so warm and comforting, and reminds us that usually we are at our best for others when we at our best for ourselves.
"...more insecure than vain, but I am beginning to understand that these two traits are closely related." I really appreciate the way you made this connection. There’s this kind of frequent misconception in which people are certain that they are opposites - i.e. I'm definitely humble because I’m so self-critical, self-conscious, etc.
I find this topic so fascinating! Being able to mindfully recognize our self-centered nature is so useful! As you said, definitely to exercise forgiveness and understanding, for ourselves and others. And then also, I've found it useful to recognize what my selfish nature would like to receive, and redirect that energy by giving that thing to others.
In my faith, this is the principle of, "love your neighbor as yourself." Would I like to be encouraged? Let me make sure I'm encouraging. Would I like to feel appreciated? Let me make sure I am appreciative. Do I enjoy gifts? Let me be sure to give. The very practice of recognizing what our self desires allows us to identify concrete ways to show love to others.
The better I get about it 1. noticing and then 2. shifting, the more my peace grows, on multiple levels. Sometimes, though, (*way too often*) I get pretty stuck at Step 1.🙄
Sydney, thank you for this engaging response. This principle you describe is closely related to (or perhaps the same as?) Karma. I was just now reading these lines by the same author I quote in my essay, Ajahn Sumedho: "As Buddhists, we contemplate the future because we recognize that what we do in the present moment establishes the causes of what will happen to us in the future. The teaching is simple: when we do good, we receive good, and when we do bad, we receive bad. This is the law of cause and effect, or kamma.
But I do like your way of recognizing what is best to give others by noticing what you would like for yourself. Is that what they call the Golden Rule? Do unto others...
Right, closely related to the concept of karma. And yes, definitely, this is the foundation of the Golden Rule, as well :) Very simple teachings, with a lifetime of opportunity to practice without ever perfecting 🤣
For sure, Sydney! So simple, and yet so easy to forget! ❤️
Wouldn’t it be great if, every time I feel irritated at my wife, I could stop right then, and there, and think, Oh, wait, I don’t want her to feel the way I do when she gets irritated at me!
Good to write about these things, though, because that helps me to remember them more readily when I need to. Thanks for the practice!
Delightfully and lightly thought-provoking Don; but if you'd chosen to go round the back of the circle instead, I wonder if that sensation might sound something like 'Now people can see how humble I am'; though maybe that's the same thing!!
Reading this post, the thoughtfulness of it, feel meditative itself. Love the photos of the dogs, kitty and chicken, as animals are natural meditators and have so much to teach us. Thank you.
I've always admired cats and frogs for their ability to sit for long periods of time but I never put a phrase to it: "Natural meditators," yes! Thank you, Heidi!
So often I wonder how we come across to our pets. Does my dog think it's strange that I come and go at the same times everyday? Does your cat wonder why you're playing around with strange things like clothes. And if I pick up a guitar and play wonderfully or I play awful the animals seem to take either in stride.
How strange to sit in a circle for a while. Why not pile up all together as the dogs do? or Stare at each other across a room like cats. Or find a likely log and line up like the birds on a powerline. I don't know but I do like a circle. Maybe that enough.
Such thoughtful comments from an obviously thoughtful person! 💚
I think the thing most inspiring about my cat, though, is her ability to sit still for long periods of time, without having to distract herself with useless activity.
I feel a bit of vanity every time I publish a new piece on Wanderlife. I love the writing part, but then it feels uncomfortable to me to put it out as if others might care what I’m thinking/writing about, as if I have something interesting to offer in a world of too-muchness and so many other great writers. But I’m pushing through. There’s a relationship between vanity, confidence, and a self-empowered boldness to just do what feels good and hope that it will carry the integrity and humility of my intentions. Thanks again for some thought-provoking ideas Don!
I understand! I feel the same way. That period after publishing is a real mix. Excitement, knowledge that I'm in a vulnerable place, hoping/dreaming of a runaway hit but also steeling for the more likely disappointment. And all while not working on another piece yet! Things really don't get good again until I get a new idea and start writing.
As far as hoping your writing carries your integrity and humility, I don't think you can help in, Jessica, because you are a sincere, good person and your writing is just an extension of who you are. I hope you keep sharing that love!
(You're not going to believe this but literally as I was writing that last sentence my phone buzzed, I looked, and the alert said, "Wanderlife." If that's not a sign....)
Thank you for recommending Shy Guy... I'm going to Note that this morning.
❤️❤️
Ahhhhh I needed this today. I fall into this too and often I take a step back and say,
"Christine, how are you helping? With this action, how does it help others?"
It helps to keep me centered when my ego wants to be first in line! LOL
That’s a great response and mind state to be in. Thank you, Christine! 🩷
Yes! There are some days where the problem is simply the ego. Getting back at keeping it check, step by step.
Thank you for this essay Don. When I find I'm attached to being an expert on something (which is encouraged in the business world) or I am advocating to the point where I am more concerned with what I'm saying than understanding someone else, I practice a question that makes me take a step back, detach from an outcome and enter learner mode. It keeps me humble and learning. The question is simple. "How am I wrong?" It works for me to see that even if I'm not wrong, I may not have the full story. Of course, my cat is always right and my dog is always comforting!
Pretty much this. Been working on not coming off as talking just hear myself do so. Also helps to know the difference between talking to and at someone.
YES, this is precisely what I am experiencing now: the awareness after something flies from my mouth. "But I will remember the lesson eventually because I have practiced and prepared, meditated and reflected, and the result will be that, instead of adding to the suffering in this world, I will subtract from it, bit by little bit." Instead of beating myself up for saying or doing something out of vain, I turn it into gratefulness for remembering "there's a better way" that I can practice next time because . . . there will always be a next time. Thank you, Don.
Thank you, Mary. Yes, that slight shift in perspective makes a huge difference. Grateful for the chance to wake up. Again and again! 💚
Don, anything with dogs in it and I'm in! But seriously, I think people should consider getting a dog. You can have (a) a loyal mate, (b) who loves you regardless, and (c) always adds to the philosophical conversations we're always having. And all while walking in the reserve...
I love dogs but only have a cat. But my neighbor owns the white puppy, which I get to play with all the time! 🙂
Oh, Don, this is giving me many thoughts about how vain I am, but not as much as I was previously. My turning point was when I lost my hair (and nearly my life) to cancer a few years ago, I became wholy aware of how much more there is to life than vanity. As an artist though, I can't help needing validation, but also, I'm learning to create for me, not to show or sell. As you say, "Being human isn't easy." But I wouldn't have it any other way. It's great to find your work and meditations! I love the animal pics!
Thank you, Maureen. Thanks for reading and for taking the time to comment! I'm glad you recovered (I hope fully?) from cancer. As they say, cancer sucks! Take care 🩷
‘….these two traits are closely related, and in fact, stem from the same place: the hunger for validation.’
This is a valid and interesting point, Don.
It does indeed help if we’re able to be more aware of our feelings and what factors give rise to them. That way, we can start to change our mindsets for the better and develop more peace of mind.
Thanks, Raveen. And, this awareness of feelings, whenever we activate it, serves to immediately pull us back to the present. And just being there actually causes the world and life to not look so daunting.
Thanks for commenting. I really appreciate hearing from you!
You're welcome.
You drew me in with the dog photos but pulled a punch at the end with the cat. Well played!
haha thank you, Cindy!
Thank you so much for sharing these words Don - they have a beautiful openness and self-awareness/interrogation that is rare to find and really inspiring to learn from. You've made me reflect a little more on the ways in which I need to seem "big" and chase that missing validation. And I appreciate the lessons from your lovely cat, sometimes we are all just a little confused by life (and it is completely bewildering why someone could disappear into the bathroom and not let you in! My cat has a similar struggle)
Thanks for making me smile, Daniela! I'm so glad you liked the essay and grateful to you for taking the time to comment. Tell your cat I said hi! 🐈🩷
PS—I hope you don't mind if I restack your wonderful comment.
My pleasure 💜
I've found practicing humility before and after hitting 'publish' to help with this kind of thing. That way I get to move on quickly to the next piece, no matter what happens. More time giving help to others that way as well.
Another excellent and educational essay from you, Don! I really appreciate your attention to detail: pointing out that sometimes the feelings that drive our actions can be very fleeting, yet they can be powerful still; keeping in mind that just because we learn (or better, continue to learn) the lessons of mindfulness doesn't mean we're immune to vanity and other fleeting emotions. Your writing is so warm and comforting, and reminds us that usually we are at our best for others when we at our best for ourselves.
"...more insecure than vain, but I am beginning to understand that these two traits are closely related." I really appreciate the way you made this connection. There’s this kind of frequent misconception in which people are certain that they are opposites - i.e. I'm definitely humble because I’m so self-critical, self-conscious, etc.
I find this topic so fascinating! Being able to mindfully recognize our self-centered nature is so useful! As you said, definitely to exercise forgiveness and understanding, for ourselves and others. And then also, I've found it useful to recognize what my selfish nature would like to receive, and redirect that energy by giving that thing to others.
In my faith, this is the principle of, "love your neighbor as yourself." Would I like to be encouraged? Let me make sure I'm encouraging. Would I like to feel appreciated? Let me make sure I am appreciative. Do I enjoy gifts? Let me be sure to give. The very practice of recognizing what our self desires allows us to identify concrete ways to show love to others.
The better I get about it 1. noticing and then 2. shifting, the more my peace grows, on multiple levels. Sometimes, though, (*way too often*) I get pretty stuck at Step 1.🙄
Sydney, thank you for this engaging response. This principle you describe is closely related to (or perhaps the same as?) Karma. I was just now reading these lines by the same author I quote in my essay, Ajahn Sumedho: "As Buddhists, we contemplate the future because we recognize that what we do in the present moment establishes the causes of what will happen to us in the future. The teaching is simple: when we do good, we receive good, and when we do bad, we receive bad. This is the law of cause and effect, or kamma.
But I do like your way of recognizing what is best to give others by noticing what you would like for yourself. Is that what they call the Golden Rule? Do unto others...
Right, closely related to the concept of karma. And yes, definitely, this is the foundation of the Golden Rule, as well :) Very simple teachings, with a lifetime of opportunity to practice without ever perfecting 🤣
For sure, Sydney! So simple, and yet so easy to forget! ❤️
Wouldn’t it be great if, every time I feel irritated at my wife, I could stop right then, and there, and think, Oh, wait, I don’t want her to feel the way I do when she gets irritated at me!
Good to write about these things, though, because that helps me to remember them more readily when I need to. Thanks for the practice!
Delightfully and lightly thought-provoking Don; but if you'd chosen to go round the back of the circle instead, I wonder if that sensation might sound something like 'Now people can see how humble I am'; though maybe that's the same thing!!
Yes, I'm sure it would have. Probably a combination of the two, good heavens!
Thanks, Liz. 🩷
Reading this post, the thoughtfulness of it, feel meditative itself. Love the photos of the dogs, kitty and chicken, as animals are natural meditators and have so much to teach us. Thank you.
I've always admired cats and frogs for their ability to sit for long periods of time but I never put a phrase to it: "Natural meditators," yes! Thank you, Heidi!
Thank you, Don!
No, thank YOU! :-)