Don, the ability to self-analyze is rare. Most folks don't even take the time to question why they feel the way they feel. Then to work towards changing ourselves is even more uncommon. One of the big things I am focusing on is control. What am I able to control? Most of the external world around me is not in my domain of control, especially other people. What is within me is mine, and that is where the work must be done. I'm not getting into specific politics, but I also think that, as a society, we home in on specific individuals as "good" or "bad." Unfortunately, our political system is a mess, a problem much bigger than any individual, and largely outside of our control at this point. Herd mentalities control both political spectrums. If individuals are bad at self-analysis, herds are even worse. So again, most of the stuff going on in society is outside my purview of control. I rarely watch the news for this reason. I have removed one of the negative stimuli that was causing me problems.
I agree with you, Matthew, that politics, armies and war machinery (mental and physical), are all beyond our control. If we choose to become part of a mob that takes a side, either side, in an attempt to change things, that's fine, but the anger and desire, the instability of such a chosen way, not for me!
Your elimination of a negative stimulus by not watching the news is similar to my attempt to see Trump as a bag of skin and bones. The value judgement only hurts me. He's just another tree in the woods (and I'm aware that a tree can kill someone).
Thanks, Matthew! How's the new writing life going?
Things are going well. I have about two more weeks of actual work in the Navy and then I will be done. My retirement ceremony is at the end of June, then we head to Italy for two weeks of family vacation, and then at the end of July I will be settling in to the full-time stay-at-home dad and writer life! Pretty excited. Hope all is well on your end my friend.
Don, thanks for sharing your journey to peace and away from hatred with us. It’s a journey we would all do well to embark on because, as Gary‘s quote of MLK says, “ Hate IS too great a burden to bear“ And it only makes things worse. However, I once heard the expression “a healthy sense of outrage.” Although the line between this and hatred (or destructive anger) can be blurry, we need to learn to use this healthy sense of outrage to oppose the negative and oppressive forces -without becoming them. It’s not easy.
Absolutely, Ralph, and each person must find a balance that works for them. I think the key is constant self-reflection, awareness, remembering that actual hatred, as opposed to anger, says more about the self than the other.
Thanks for checking in, Ralph. Always a pleasure to hear from you! I love how the comments section actually helps me to learn more about myself, and allows me to see how others see, thus broadening my mind!
Ralph, we used to call it "righteous indignation" an angry reaction to perceived injustice, insult, or malice, or other moral lapse. I have been trying to figure out how to call someone an asshole without using the term and do not want to descend to stupid or idiotic or other pejorative word. So, I wrestle with this notion of how best to respond or how to be most effective and useful to the causes for compassion, justice and healing.
I'm still trying to figure out a way to be outraged without being angry. How about "appalled" or "disgusted"? I guess the important thing is to keep the lines of communication open by listening and speaking respectfully. After all, I suppose "they" think we are naive and misguided, too.
I was just saying to another reader that I want to give everyone a chance to say what they feel, even if it’s misguided or ignorant. Like you say, they don’t necessarily know they are being ignorant. If it becomes belligerent, rude, or hurtful then I’m deleting it immediately. But I don’t want my conversations here on Substack to be all whitewashed either, or give those who disagree the impression that they’ll be deleted.
Aristotle suggested that most virtues are the 'mean' or the middle point between two vices. So if a drive for justice is a virtue, then a well-reasoned amount of outrage, anger, or a strong response to injustice could be actually still be virtuous, if the underlying principle is justice. But the extremes on either end of seeking justice - impassivity on one end, or irrational anger / vengeance on the other, is where the 'vice' lies. I remember my college philosophy professor talking about how no virtue, including kindness, forgiveness, honesty or compassion, is inherently virtuous - it's more about how, when and why the virtue is applied. Aristotle even suggested that some situations call for deviating from the 'mean' and require stronger responses; as long as it remains proportionate and doesn't undermine reason. So drawing from (one school) of virtue ethics, a strong criticism, outrage or condemnation could actually be the morally preferable route, especially if it is in pursuit of a virtue like justice, and isn't sliding into the 'extreme' category! If we look at this way, I think it's possible to strongly condemn a powerful, violent proto-dictator while also extending compassion to a somewhat frustrating personal acquaintance, because virtue takes proportion into account. This might also offer us a way to distinguish between the oppressive hate expressed by a dominant group, and the retaliatory outrage expressed in response, which can trigger justice, solidarity and action - perhaps not all 'hate' is made equal! Of course, Aristolean ethics may not be for everyone and I'm no expert and there many ways to approach these fundamental questions - but just some food for thought! :)
You are right, Anagha, and thank you for taking the time. Condemnation and hatred are too very different things, and when I mentioned in my journal our leaders not setting very good examples for us, I should have clarified that it is in their vitriol, not their condemnation. Though maybe we should get in the habit of condemning the act, not the person, or wondering aloud what brought a person so low. Demonstrating more publicly our empathy and compassion, even for those whose behavior is bad. Keeping that conversation alive in public. But I suppose our leaders have too much else to worry about lol. I’m no social engineer!
I love the introspection in your post, Don and I wanted to find the right tone to comment on your personal discoveries without confusing myself or anyone with the nuance that I felt and it becoming political in any way... then I read Anagha's comment here and I thought "this... this is exactly how I feel... I think" ... so I just want to do a big +1 on what she has written here.
Ultimately, I think the balance in my soul comes deeply rooted in the ideal that you are discussing here... I don't want hate to exist, I don't want to hate others and I want to stop myself from defaulting to hate... but the nuance is that there is a place for balanced condemnation and that can be justifiably wrapped up in emotion and feelings which are deep and strong like an ocean. I want to know and recognise those emotions rather than be led by them... but I don't want to fully wash them away.
I guess how you describe working through those feelings by concentrating on the images for 10mins is a way of sort of recognising but not denying the feelings - So I think we are on the same page. Kinda like focussing on an itch or distration and then acknowledging it when meditating so you can move on from that.
So much food for thought, thanks Don (and Anagha!).
P.S. Anagha, your input was quite detailed and I think I interpreted it correctly I apologise if I missed the mark a bit here - hugely interested in learning more about what you contributed. I've never studied that area as close as that.
I believe we are surely on the same page because, although I don't really discuss it here, I absolutely do not see negative feelings like anger, anxiety, fear, or hatred as feelings that must be conquered, vanquished, overcome, destroyed, repressed, regretted, controlled, or felt guilty about. I believe that because we can feel those feelings, we will. Period. That's just a fact of nature and it's foolish and self-harming to see them as something that is somehow 'not us' that we can battle down and banish from our consciousness. No sireee!
And so, yes, that's what I was doing when I stared at a photo of someone I feel hatred for; allowing those feelings to be present so I can understand them, not "overcome" them. Understanding is the end game.
I think many of the readers who have commented feel similar to you; that they want to be able to feel their feelings toward someone who is committing injustice and endangering our democracy and society. Yes, they don't want hatred to control them, but they also don't want to become dull or apathetic. It makes me wish I had addressed this more in the essay (but it's already over 1500 words!). Know that I completely understand and agree. As long as one is willing to look without judgment at one's own mind and what goes on there, I think everything will turn out for the best.
I am so thrilled that my essay inspired you to self-reflection. What more could a writer ask for 🙂💚
I have been through a storm recently, and find now - as I am growing and learning how to live with more serenity, that I notice the disgust that my body has learned. I mean - the disgust is intellectual and has created a physical habit - a desire to lash out. My teeth clench and my muscles respond as though I'm looking at something I would instinctively run from. Or kill. I don't think this is new at all - but it is so strange to be aware of it. I, too, try to sit with it now. I finally understand the practice.
Nice, Ren. Yes, I'm afraid some may misunderstand this essay, believing that I'm promoting "loving" those who are hurting people. Seeing that they are humans who have fallen completely for their delusional thoughts does not mean endorsing their behavior. But I think "hating" them only hurts ourselves. I admire you for "sitting" with the feelings, rather than trying to force them away.
Don, this is a thoughtful and articulate essay on a very complex topic. Thank you for the introspection, honesty and willingness to wrestle your thoughts onto the page in a way that invites all of us to follow suit. I've considered similar ideas in some of my own work. What I come to, time and again, is that we are not so different from each other. Hard as it is to accept, even those we perceive as acting at odds with our ideologies are, for the most part, doing so because they believe they are standing up for what they believe. Sometimes I listen to the rhetoric on the two sides of various coins (politics, religion, what have you), and if I can extract my ego and come to it with humility, I can hear that the words are the same. We are them, and they are us!
We are called to be compassionate. We are called to love. We are called to work within our spheres of influence to bring goodness to the world. We are a messy, defensive species. Not one of us can be compartmentalized to the point of fitting entirely under one label. The zealot is also the philanthropist. The soldier is also the father. The pious is also the caregiver. And, of course, we embody many additional characteristics. I appreciate that you are focusing on our shared humanity while looking longest at yourself. That, really, is the answer. In my experience, the more I know, the less I know. I just continue to try.
Elizabeth, this is such a lovely, thoughtful, and insightful response. I love hearing my thoughts reflected back to me in someone else's words; words arranged in a wonderfully different way. It really helps me to define my understanding of the nature of my own reality even better! It also helps me to realize I am not alone, I'm not deluded, that my learning and sharing contains a truth that is resonating with others who are themselves able to see more deeply, beyond the veil of the individual ego. Thank you so much for sharing your insights, Elizabeth!
I was looking at tree while I listened to the John Gorka song. There was a dark shadowy section in the middle of the tree where the sun hadn't lit it up yet. While listening to the song, the sun began to light up the dark spot in the tree. The tree was an excellent live example of how we can see the light in the darkness if we are patient and really want to see the light.
We repeat a strange ritual every four years. We invest billions of dollars to get one half of the country to hate the other half. Then, a few months later, we make pleas to “come together” and see that “there’s more uniting us than dividing us.”
Navigating this strange ritual is challenging. Thanks for sharing your experience of being able to pierce some of the illusions we’re fed.
That's very affirming coming from you, Dan. Thank you! I was definitely nervous about putting this one out there.
And I really like your perspective of getting one half to hate the other half. That's going to stay in my head! That's going to shake up my customary way of seeing.
I’m old. As I have aged the world seems to have deteriorated. Reality is no longer something objective subject to demonstration through evidence. Those writers of my youth - Kafka, Beckett, Pinter - seem redundant. The absurdity is pervasive and more deviant than in their imagination. But then I wonder was it always like that and the only change is in my mind. If that were so, its purpose is to make the old fear the future more than death.
I don't know what to say, Robert. It seems you're a reflective and open-minded guy who is willing to see that perhaps it is your mind that's seeing absurdity rather than the world itself.
On the other hand, it's true that with globalization something like a shift to the right can happen internationally instead of just in one place. That's scary. But I'm working on acceptance. Even if the human race wipes itself out, whatever we are made of will continue... :-)
Awww. I am probably as old as you friend and lovin being that much closer to home!!!! No fear the closer I get. I have seen and personally experienced the mercy of God. The future is in His hands!
Unfortunately I don’t share your faith in the hereafter. I am much too influenced by Nietzsche for that. However I do believe his doctrine of the eternal recurrence which holds that our lives endlessly repeat in exactly the same way each time. He got the idea from the pre-Socratic Greeks. Some think he couldn’t have meant it but he did.
Well it’s not over til it’s over. Maybe your fortunes will change…… I came very late in life to faith in Christ and maybe like the woman who washed his feet with her tears since I have been forgiven so so so much in the past now every minute and in the future maybe that is why I love Christ so much. Not sure how to explain it just really don’t see anything that I want more than to be loved eternally by the One who called me out of non existence into being. I mean what could be more important? What else am I doing with my life? Going to the grocery store? Leaving a trust fund? Or a monument ? Come on it’s crazy why not seek God right?! Orthodoxy does not limit the Creator we are all still trying to purify ourselves Peace friend
I see what you’re saying. I see it but I am incapable of doing it - at least not now. My heart hurts too much to hold space for the wrongdoers. To see them and give them grace, they who literally marked my existence and those of so many others in their wrongdoing. I get that this is an exercise for oneself. And a good one at that. One that really distills the best parts of our humanity. But humanity is also capable of complete depravity, and I think that’s my issue.
Riffing off of your experience, i think my exercise would be to try and accept that humanity is capable of not just doing so much evil, but also celebrating it. That I think would be a better way to approach things for me. The sheer number of people, systems, and states who clap for the demise of my people makes this a bigger issue than any one person or entity. But thank you for that thought experiment.
Naz, I appreciate that you read my essay, and that you understand it's an "exercise." My heart hurts too. And I still do think that someone who is jeopardizing the safety and stability of a society needs to be controlled, jailed, whatever the situation calls for.
I don't know who your people are, but I hear you and I feel for you.
Thank you. In my mind's eye, I get the difference between seeing the person as a person and also holding them accountable for their actions. I know they're not mutually exclusive.
Such a crucial teaching for this awful, awful time. Hatred will only rebirth the cycle. Even as a practising Buddhist, I am regularly reminded of Jesus’ lamentation as he hung dying on the cross: not a curse, but a blessing on his persecutors.
Yes! I really like that story too (one of the few Christian lessons I find admirable). "Forgive them, for they know not what they do." Beautiful! I can only aspire to be so unselfish, understanding, and composed. Thanks, John!
When we have attack thoughts, no matter how justified we think we are, we will continue to see a fearful world. When my mind is full of attack, guilt, sadness, resentment, pain, judgment, worry, jealousy, and regret, it's impossible to see a loving, safe world. If I want to see things differently, I must understand there is no separation. We are all One Mind. One of the ways I do this when thinking of dangerous political leaders, mass shooters, racist police, is to imagine them as a baby. An innocent baby who someone loved and cherished. Similar to what you did by staring at their image until they morphed into your very likeness of two eyes, nose, mouth, skin. They just need more love, and who best to give that love? We are.
Love this comment. And it could be that they never were loved as a baby. Could have been a failed abortion or the child of a drug addict etc etc. but yes there is Someone who loves them their Creator ! Thank you friend
Thank you, Don. I, like many others, am still working on fully knowing and incorporating the concept that animosity towards others is always rooted in a sense of incompleteness with oneself. Being truly kind requires us to be kind to ourselves and to others, even those who have hurt us or who we perceive to be powerful "evil" forces in the world. Being kind does not mean laying down and allowing ourselves to be hurt over and over. Sometimes distance is the kindest thing we can provide to a relationship (or lack thereof).
So true, Mike. This sort of brings up themes from that essay on lovingkindness that I wrote. It does seem to be a key issue; finding a good balance between being peaceful and compassionate, and standing up for yourself and others.
Thanks for this. Compassion is not for the faint-hearted. It takes a lot of courage and patience to look at someone, look past their shell of humanity and see the essence of who they really are.
A fabulous response, Gary. Thanks for taking the time to share all that.
Hate is indeed too great a burden to bear.
We can speak out when necessary as Wiesel says, without hatred. ❤️
We become what we love. We also become what we hate. Understanding this can be the beginning of change. Thanks, Don.
Thanks, Paul. That just about says it all!
Don, the ability to self-analyze is rare. Most folks don't even take the time to question why they feel the way they feel. Then to work towards changing ourselves is even more uncommon. One of the big things I am focusing on is control. What am I able to control? Most of the external world around me is not in my domain of control, especially other people. What is within me is mine, and that is where the work must be done. I'm not getting into specific politics, but I also think that, as a society, we home in on specific individuals as "good" or "bad." Unfortunately, our political system is a mess, a problem much bigger than any individual, and largely outside of our control at this point. Herd mentalities control both political spectrums. If individuals are bad at self-analysis, herds are even worse. So again, most of the stuff going on in society is outside my purview of control. I rarely watch the news for this reason. I have removed one of the negative stimuli that was causing me problems.
I agree with you, Matthew, that politics, armies and war machinery (mental and physical), are all beyond our control. If we choose to become part of a mob that takes a side, either side, in an attempt to change things, that's fine, but the anger and desire, the instability of such a chosen way, not for me!
Your elimination of a negative stimulus by not watching the news is similar to my attempt to see Trump as a bag of skin and bones. The value judgement only hurts me. He's just another tree in the woods (and I'm aware that a tree can kill someone).
Thanks, Matthew! How's the new writing life going?
Things are going well. I have about two more weeks of actual work in the Navy and then I will be done. My retirement ceremony is at the end of June, then we head to Italy for two weeks of family vacation, and then at the end of July I will be settling in to the full-time stay-at-home dad and writer life! Pretty excited. Hope all is well on your end my friend.
Ooh, Italy, how exciting! I’ve never been.
Good for you, Matthew!
Don, thanks for sharing your journey to peace and away from hatred with us. It’s a journey we would all do well to embark on because, as Gary‘s quote of MLK says, “ Hate IS too great a burden to bear“ And it only makes things worse. However, I once heard the expression “a healthy sense of outrage.” Although the line between this and hatred (or destructive anger) can be blurry, we need to learn to use this healthy sense of outrage to oppose the negative and oppressive forces -without becoming them. It’s not easy.
Absolutely, Ralph, and each person must find a balance that works for them. I think the key is constant self-reflection, awareness, remembering that actual hatred, as opposed to anger, says more about the self than the other.
Thanks for checking in, Ralph. Always a pleasure to hear from you! I love how the comments section actually helps me to learn more about myself, and allows me to see how others see, thus broadening my mind!
Ralph, we used to call it "righteous indignation" an angry reaction to perceived injustice, insult, or malice, or other moral lapse. I have been trying to figure out how to call someone an asshole without using the term and do not want to descend to stupid or idiotic or other pejorative word. So, I wrestle with this notion of how best to respond or how to be most effective and useful to the causes for compassion, justice and healing.
I'm still trying to figure out a way to be outraged without being angry. How about "appalled" or "disgusted"? I guess the important thing is to keep the lines of communication open by listening and speaking respectfully. After all, I suppose "they" think we are naive and misguided, too.
I was just saying to another reader that I want to give everyone a chance to say what they feel, even if it’s misguided or ignorant. Like you say, they don’t necessarily know they are being ignorant. If it becomes belligerent, rude, or hurtful then I’m deleting it immediately. But I don’t want my conversations here on Substack to be all whitewashed either, or give those who disagree the impression that they’ll be deleted.
Haha
Spot on Ralph! Thank you.
It’s not easy, but it is necessary, right? And who will do that if not us?
Aristotle suggested that most virtues are the 'mean' or the middle point between two vices. So if a drive for justice is a virtue, then a well-reasoned amount of outrage, anger, or a strong response to injustice could be actually still be virtuous, if the underlying principle is justice. But the extremes on either end of seeking justice - impassivity on one end, or irrational anger / vengeance on the other, is where the 'vice' lies. I remember my college philosophy professor talking about how no virtue, including kindness, forgiveness, honesty or compassion, is inherently virtuous - it's more about how, when and why the virtue is applied. Aristotle even suggested that some situations call for deviating from the 'mean' and require stronger responses; as long as it remains proportionate and doesn't undermine reason. So drawing from (one school) of virtue ethics, a strong criticism, outrage or condemnation could actually be the morally preferable route, especially if it is in pursuit of a virtue like justice, and isn't sliding into the 'extreme' category! If we look at this way, I think it's possible to strongly condemn a powerful, violent proto-dictator while also extending compassion to a somewhat frustrating personal acquaintance, because virtue takes proportion into account. This might also offer us a way to distinguish between the oppressive hate expressed by a dominant group, and the retaliatory outrage expressed in response, which can trigger justice, solidarity and action - perhaps not all 'hate' is made equal! Of course, Aristolean ethics may not be for everyone and I'm no expert and there many ways to approach these fundamental questions - but just some food for thought! :)
You are right, Anagha, and thank you for taking the time. Condemnation and hatred are too very different things, and when I mentioned in my journal our leaders not setting very good examples for us, I should have clarified that it is in their vitriol, not their condemnation. Though maybe we should get in the habit of condemning the act, not the person, or wondering aloud what brought a person so low. Demonstrating more publicly our empathy and compassion, even for those whose behavior is bad. Keeping that conversation alive in public. But I suppose our leaders have too much else to worry about lol. I’m no social engineer!
I love the introspection in your post, Don and I wanted to find the right tone to comment on your personal discoveries without confusing myself or anyone with the nuance that I felt and it becoming political in any way... then I read Anagha's comment here and I thought "this... this is exactly how I feel... I think" ... so I just want to do a big +1 on what she has written here.
Ultimately, I think the balance in my soul comes deeply rooted in the ideal that you are discussing here... I don't want hate to exist, I don't want to hate others and I want to stop myself from defaulting to hate... but the nuance is that there is a place for balanced condemnation and that can be justifiably wrapped up in emotion and feelings which are deep and strong like an ocean. I want to know and recognise those emotions rather than be led by them... but I don't want to fully wash them away.
I guess how you describe working through those feelings by concentrating on the images for 10mins is a way of sort of recognising but not denying the feelings - So I think we are on the same page. Kinda like focussing on an itch or distration and then acknowledging it when meditating so you can move on from that.
So much food for thought, thanks Don (and Anagha!).
P.S. Anagha, your input was quite detailed and I think I interpreted it correctly I apologise if I missed the mark a bit here - hugely interested in learning more about what you contributed. I've never studied that area as close as that.
Thank you so much for being here, David!
I believe we are surely on the same page because, although I don't really discuss it here, I absolutely do not see negative feelings like anger, anxiety, fear, or hatred as feelings that must be conquered, vanquished, overcome, destroyed, repressed, regretted, controlled, or felt guilty about. I believe that because we can feel those feelings, we will. Period. That's just a fact of nature and it's foolish and self-harming to see them as something that is somehow 'not us' that we can battle down and banish from our consciousness. No sireee!
And so, yes, that's what I was doing when I stared at a photo of someone I feel hatred for; allowing those feelings to be present so I can understand them, not "overcome" them. Understanding is the end game.
I think many of the readers who have commented feel similar to you; that they want to be able to feel their feelings toward someone who is committing injustice and endangering our democracy and society. Yes, they don't want hatred to control them, but they also don't want to become dull or apathetic. It makes me wish I had addressed this more in the essay (but it's already over 1500 words!). Know that I completely understand and agree. As long as one is willing to look without judgment at one's own mind and what goes on there, I think everything will turn out for the best.
I am so thrilled that my essay inspired you to self-reflection. What more could a writer ask for 🙂💚
I have been through a storm recently, and find now - as I am growing and learning how to live with more serenity, that I notice the disgust that my body has learned. I mean - the disgust is intellectual and has created a physical habit - a desire to lash out. My teeth clench and my muscles respond as though I'm looking at something I would instinctively run from. Or kill. I don't think this is new at all - but it is so strange to be aware of it. I, too, try to sit with it now. I finally understand the practice.
Nice, Ren. Yes, I'm afraid some may misunderstand this essay, believing that I'm promoting "loving" those who are hurting people. Seeing that they are humans who have fallen completely for their delusional thoughts does not mean endorsing their behavior. But I think "hating" them only hurts ourselves. I admire you for "sitting" with the feelings, rather than trying to force them away.
Don, this is a thoughtful and articulate essay on a very complex topic. Thank you for the introspection, honesty and willingness to wrestle your thoughts onto the page in a way that invites all of us to follow suit. I've considered similar ideas in some of my own work. What I come to, time and again, is that we are not so different from each other. Hard as it is to accept, even those we perceive as acting at odds with our ideologies are, for the most part, doing so because they believe they are standing up for what they believe. Sometimes I listen to the rhetoric on the two sides of various coins (politics, religion, what have you), and if I can extract my ego and come to it with humility, I can hear that the words are the same. We are them, and they are us!
We are called to be compassionate. We are called to love. We are called to work within our spheres of influence to bring goodness to the world. We are a messy, defensive species. Not one of us can be compartmentalized to the point of fitting entirely under one label. The zealot is also the philanthropist. The soldier is also the father. The pious is also the caregiver. And, of course, we embody many additional characteristics. I appreciate that you are focusing on our shared humanity while looking longest at yourself. That, really, is the answer. In my experience, the more I know, the less I know. I just continue to try.
Elizabeth, this is such a lovely, thoughtful, and insightful response. I love hearing my thoughts reflected back to me in someone else's words; words arranged in a wonderfully different way. It really helps me to define my understanding of the nature of my own reality even better! It also helps me to realize I am not alone, I'm not deluded, that my learning and sharing contains a truth that is resonating with others who are themselves able to see more deeply, beyond the veil of the individual ego. Thank you so much for sharing your insights, Elizabeth!
(I hope you don't mind if I share this response)
Let the share-fest begin! Thanks, Don. I, too, appreciate the affirmation, and am grateful to know I’m in good company.
I was looking at tree while I listened to the John Gorka song. There was a dark shadowy section in the middle of the tree where the sun hadn't lit it up yet. While listening to the song, the sun began to light up the dark spot in the tree. The tree was an excellent live example of how we can see the light in the darkness if we are patient and really want to see the light.
We repeat a strange ritual every four years. We invest billions of dollars to get one half of the country to hate the other half. Then, a few months later, we make pleas to “come together” and see that “there’s more uniting us than dividing us.”
Navigating this strange ritual is challenging. Thanks for sharing your experience of being able to pierce some of the illusions we’re fed.
That's very affirming coming from you, Dan. Thank you! I was definitely nervous about putting this one out there.
And I really like your perspective of getting one half to hate the other half. That's going to stay in my head! That's going to shake up my customary way of seeing.
I’m old. As I have aged the world seems to have deteriorated. Reality is no longer something objective subject to demonstration through evidence. Those writers of my youth - Kafka, Beckett, Pinter - seem redundant. The absurdity is pervasive and more deviant than in their imagination. But then I wonder was it always like that and the only change is in my mind. If that were so, its purpose is to make the old fear the future more than death.
I don't know what to say, Robert. It seems you're a reflective and open-minded guy who is willing to see that perhaps it is your mind that's seeing absurdity rather than the world itself.
On the other hand, it's true that with globalization something like a shift to the right can happen internationally instead of just in one place. That's scary. But I'm working on acceptance. Even if the human race wipes itself out, whatever we are made of will continue... :-)
In my mind or in the world are not mutually exclusive. It could be both 😊
Awww. I am probably as old as you friend and lovin being that much closer to home!!!! No fear the closer I get. I have seen and personally experienced the mercy of God. The future is in His hands!
Unfortunately I don’t share your faith in the hereafter. I am much too influenced by Nietzsche for that. However I do believe his doctrine of the eternal recurrence which holds that our lives endlessly repeat in exactly the same way each time. He got the idea from the pre-Socratic Greeks. Some think he couldn’t have meant it but he did.
Well it’s not over til it’s over. Maybe your fortunes will change…… I came very late in life to faith in Christ and maybe like the woman who washed his feet with her tears since I have been forgiven so so so much in the past now every minute and in the future maybe that is why I love Christ so much. Not sure how to explain it just really don’t see anything that I want more than to be loved eternally by the One who called me out of non existence into being. I mean what could be more important? What else am I doing with my life? Going to the grocery store? Leaving a trust fund? Or a monument ? Come on it’s crazy why not seek God right?! Orthodoxy does not limit the Creator we are all still trying to purify ourselves Peace friend
I see what you’re saying. I see it but I am incapable of doing it - at least not now. My heart hurts too much to hold space for the wrongdoers. To see them and give them grace, they who literally marked my existence and those of so many others in their wrongdoing. I get that this is an exercise for oneself. And a good one at that. One that really distills the best parts of our humanity. But humanity is also capable of complete depravity, and I think that’s my issue.
Riffing off of your experience, i think my exercise would be to try and accept that humanity is capable of not just doing so much evil, but also celebrating it. That I think would be a better way to approach things for me. The sheer number of people, systems, and states who clap for the demise of my people makes this a bigger issue than any one person or entity. But thank you for that thought experiment.
Naz, I appreciate that you read my essay, and that you understand it's an "exercise." My heart hurts too. And I still do think that someone who is jeopardizing the safety and stability of a society needs to be controlled, jailed, whatever the situation calls for.
I don't know who your people are, but I hear you and I feel for you.
Thank you. In my mind's eye, I get the difference between seeing the person as a person and also holding them accountable for their actions. I know they're not mutually exclusive.
Who are your people?
I don't think that is the point. For me, the point is the exercise and how it can manifest differently to us.
I’m not sure a question can be beside the point.
I guess it's a good thing then that I am sure for the both of us.
Such a crucial teaching for this awful, awful time. Hatred will only rebirth the cycle. Even as a practising Buddhist, I am regularly reminded of Jesus’ lamentation as he hung dying on the cross: not a curse, but a blessing on his persecutors.
Yes! I really like that story too (one of the few Christian lessons I find admirable). "Forgive them, for they know not what they do." Beautiful! I can only aspire to be so unselfish, understanding, and composed. Thanks, John!
When we have attack thoughts, no matter how justified we think we are, we will continue to see a fearful world. When my mind is full of attack, guilt, sadness, resentment, pain, judgment, worry, jealousy, and regret, it's impossible to see a loving, safe world. If I want to see things differently, I must understand there is no separation. We are all One Mind. One of the ways I do this when thinking of dangerous political leaders, mass shooters, racist police, is to imagine them as a baby. An innocent baby who someone loved and cherished. Similar to what you did by staring at their image until they morphed into your very likeness of two eyes, nose, mouth, skin. They just need more love, and who best to give that love? We are.
That’s beautiful, Mary, thank you!
Love this comment. And it could be that they never were loved as a baby. Could have been a failed abortion or the child of a drug addict etc etc. but yes there is Someone who loves them their Creator ! Thank you friend
Thank you, Don. I, like many others, am still working on fully knowing and incorporating the concept that animosity towards others is always rooted in a sense of incompleteness with oneself. Being truly kind requires us to be kind to ourselves and to others, even those who have hurt us or who we perceive to be powerful "evil" forces in the world. Being kind does not mean laying down and allowing ourselves to be hurt over and over. Sometimes distance is the kindest thing we can provide to a relationship (or lack thereof).
So true, Mike. This sort of brings up themes from that essay on lovingkindness that I wrote. It does seem to be a key issue; finding a good balance between being peaceful and compassionate, and standing up for yourself and others.
This is brave.
Thank you,Kara. Yes, we did have one heated argument, but the two ended up resolving their differences and shaking hands, so to speak :-)
Thanks for this. Compassion is not for the faint-hearted. It takes a lot of courage and patience to look at someone, look past their shell of humanity and see the essence of who they really are.
Thanks, Carol 🙏💚