Another great piece, Don! Love your writing. I always get something from it. I have a loving husband of 25 years and I so appreciate the “self-reminders” you wrote about—how to keep a relationship healthy and not let our own ego and human tendencies damage the connection. I believe this is a struggle inherent of marriage. Making mistakes, followed by glimmers of awareness, then heal and repair. Over and over, as we try to do better and love our partner (and ourself) better. It never ends, but if we really commit to looking inside ourself and opening our heart, progress is made as we get older and more self-aware. You captured that beautifully. Thank you.
Thanks for this wise and wonderful piece of writing on relationships, Don.
My husband, Tim, and I play a game at least four times a week. It's called hide and seek! Whoever gets home from work, first is the one to hide if he/she chooses.
It's so much fun, and we both look forward to it. We each have our secret places that neither of us have been able to discover yet. So when one of us gets tired of hiding, and the seeker hasn't found their hider, one must sneak out and not reveal the secret hiding place! It's a lot of fun and keeps us young at ♥️.
Lovely engaging post, Don! You both look so cute and comfortable together. I agree, it helps to lighten things up and laugh! Though ultimate happiness comes from knowing and loving and accepting your own Self, and you allude to it. Partners, families, friends, etc. they are all “toys” in some ways we are given to play with. At the end of the game, we must retire to our own self. So, to study ourselves to see what makes us tick, happy, sad etc.—and to further realize we are not our emotions at all (Vedanta)—is of prime importance so we can play better with others:)
Thank you, Anu. I like the way you compare the other people in our lives to "toys" (though it could be taken the wrong way by some), pointing to the truth that we cannot expect any other person to complete us or provide anything to us that we cannot find within. Relationship with others is merely an extension of our relationship with ourselves. So if we don't like ourselves, we won't like others. If we love ourselves...
Well, I'm preaching to the choir, aren't I? Good to meet you, Anu!
Yes, I can see how “toys” will offend! Wrote it in a hurry but you get the whiff:) I read about Zen Buddhism too, and I am a student of Vedanta (I write about travel and Vedanta). There’s a lot of intersection between the two Eastern traditions, as you can imagine. It’s so nice to meet you too, Don! I enjoy your posts.
Hi Don, I’m a mother of young kids and while my husband and I take turns playing with the kids, I’ve never considered all of us playing catch … together. I leave “to do something productive” as soon as he tags into a game. I’m going to try staying in the game next time. Thanks.
That's so wonderful, Sadia! You've made me smile, just as you're going to make your husband smile. (It was rare for my parents to "play" with each other and those rare occasions left lifetime memories for me.) 🩷
Lovely, Don. "But we never take each other for granted." - a simple piece of wisdom embedded in a thoughtfully ranging essay, but such an important one!
I really love this, such a beautiful take on the communication and understanding a relationship is built on. The self-awareness and letting go of the ego that Buddhism teaches is so challenging but so fundamental to building genuine relationships. So wonderful to hear you talk about someone you love so: your words are filled with such a light, playful joy.
Don, I really enjoyed reading this and thanks for the mention. One great aspect of growing older, at least in my experience, is not getting so frustrated when things don't go perfectly in our marriage. My wife and I have both realized that extending grace to each other is one of the greatest gifts of love. Each of us has our ups and downs but we are there for each other in the midst of it. I appreciated your reference to mindfulness as well and how we can self-evaluate why we feel a certain way before we become reactionary. All the best!
Great to read. Thanks for the reminder of the Love Languages. A friend shared that with me in a conversation about our children, but I have forgotten and would like to revisit it with my husband. Also, I appreciate your acknowledgment of your wife's good intentions in moments that hurt and your own intentions to be responsible for your own feelings and actions. May we all relate to one another with such mindfulness!
Thank you for this little glimpse into your relationship! It resonates deeply with me, as I, too, am in a marriage where, through hardships and extensive self-awareness work, we have grown to mutually love, respect, and appreciate each other. We have been living and working together for more than seventeen years now, and collaborating on mutual projects has added a lot of fun to our relationship despite the occasional disputes. I wish you many more years of happiness together
Thank you so much, Eszter. I'm glad you liked it. And since this was a Valentine's essay, I probably didn't mention the hard work and disputes that we must work out together as well, focusing as I was on the good stuff!
If you want to read about a relationship that actually did not work out, my essay of last week, "The Freedom I Craved was Mine Already," goes into that a bit. It's probably my most confessional piece so far.
Glad to hear about your relationship. I like the name of your blog! I'll check it out. 🙂
Lovely post, Don (as always). I enjoy the way you bake in the good-life wisdom while offering us these little glimpses into your life. It's a treat to get to know you better, and a pleasure to benefit from your insightful outlook.
Your approach to marriage is admirable. And to hear your relationship with Jennifer is thoughtful, loving, and thriving... well, that puts the proof in the pudding, doesn't it?
Thanks, Wayne. Great to hear from you and I’m pleased you liked the essay. I hear you though. Some of my friends have called me too intense! It’s good to shake it off once in a while.
Another great piece, Don! Love your writing. I always get something from it. I have a loving husband of 25 years and I so appreciate the “self-reminders” you wrote about—how to keep a relationship healthy and not let our own ego and human tendencies damage the connection. I believe this is a struggle inherent of marriage. Making mistakes, followed by glimmers of awareness, then heal and repair. Over and over, as we try to do better and love our partner (and ourself) better. It never ends, but if we really commit to looking inside ourself and opening our heart, progress is made as we get older and more self-aware. You captured that beautifully. Thank you.
Thank you so much, Ali. This is so nice. I think your husband is lucky to have you! :-)
I tell him that every day. 😄
lol
Thanks for this wise and wonderful piece of writing on relationships, Don.
My husband, Tim, and I play a game at least four times a week. It's called hide and seek! Whoever gets home from work, first is the one to hide if he/she chooses.
It's so much fun, and we both look forward to it. We each have our secret places that neither of us have been able to discover yet. So when one of us gets tired of hiding, and the seeker hasn't found their hider, one must sneak out and not reveal the secret hiding place! It's a lot of fun and keeps us young at ♥️.
Gee and all we do is play Scrabble after dinner haha. That sounds like fun, Lynn! Thanks for reading and commenting. I’m really glad you’re here.❤️
This sounds amazing, I love this idea!
Thank you for inspiring us to live mindfully ❤️
Thanks, Paolo!
Lovely engaging post, Don! You both look so cute and comfortable together. I agree, it helps to lighten things up and laugh! Though ultimate happiness comes from knowing and loving and accepting your own Self, and you allude to it. Partners, families, friends, etc. they are all “toys” in some ways we are given to play with. At the end of the game, we must retire to our own self. So, to study ourselves to see what makes us tick, happy, sad etc.—and to further realize we are not our emotions at all (Vedanta)—is of prime importance so we can play better with others:)
Thank you, Anu. I like the way you compare the other people in our lives to "toys" (though it could be taken the wrong way by some), pointing to the truth that we cannot expect any other person to complete us or provide anything to us that we cannot find within. Relationship with others is merely an extension of our relationship with ourselves. So if we don't like ourselves, we won't like others. If we love ourselves...
Well, I'm preaching to the choir, aren't I? Good to meet you, Anu!
Yes, I can see how “toys” will offend! Wrote it in a hurry but you get the whiff:) I read about Zen Buddhism too, and I am a student of Vedanta (I write about travel and Vedanta). There’s a lot of intersection between the two Eastern traditions, as you can imagine. It’s so nice to meet you too, Don! I enjoy your posts.
Thank you, Anu! I will check out your publication. (I don't know much about Vedanta.)
Sure, thanks Don! Still trying to figure it all out—Substack, Vedanta, life, motherhood, etc. etc. recognizing that the world’s a stage:) Here’s a post on why I like Vedanta: https://anuprabhala.substack.com/p/why-the-spiritual-philosophy-of-vedanta See you more on Substack!
Hi Don, I’m a mother of young kids and while my husband and I take turns playing with the kids, I’ve never considered all of us playing catch … together. I leave “to do something productive” as soon as he tags into a game. I’m going to try staying in the game next time. Thanks.
That's so wonderful, Sadia! You've made me smile, just as you're going to make your husband smile. (It was rare for my parents to "play" with each other and those rare occasions left lifetime memories for me.) 🩷
Lovely, Don. "But we never take each other for granted." - a simple piece of wisdom embedded in a thoughtfully ranging essay, but such an important one!
Thank you, Stephanie. 🩷🙂
I really love this, such a beautiful take on the communication and understanding a relationship is built on. The self-awareness and letting go of the ego that Buddhism teaches is so challenging but so fundamental to building genuine relationships. So wonderful to hear you talk about someone you love so: your words are filled with such a light, playful joy.
Thank you so much, Daniela. I really appreciate you thoughtful words. Would you mind if I restack your comment?
Not at all ❤️ please share away
Good post, brother. The single most important thing we can do in our lifetime is to know our mind. A tall order, indeed.
You're absolutely right, Brian!
Don, I really enjoyed reading this and thanks for the mention. One great aspect of growing older, at least in my experience, is not getting so frustrated when things don't go perfectly in our marriage. My wife and I have both realized that extending grace to each other is one of the greatest gifts of love. Each of us has our ups and downs but we are there for each other in the midst of it. I appreciated your reference to mindfulness as well and how we can self-evaluate why we feel a certain way before we become reactionary. All the best!
Thanks, Matthew! 💚
Great to read. Thanks for the reminder of the Love Languages. A friend shared that with me in a conversation about our children, but I have forgotten and would like to revisit it with my husband. Also, I appreciate your acknowledgment of your wife's good intentions in moments that hurt and your own intentions to be responsible for your own feelings and actions. May we all relate to one another with such mindfulness!
Thank you, Lindsay. 🙏💚
Thanks for a great post Don. Really reminded me about the profundity of life we can have in the most simple of things.
Thank you so much, Jiva. So nice to hear from you!
That was such a lovely and thoughtful essay. I’m thankful to have come across it this afternoon.
Thank you 🙏. I’m so glad you liked it!
Thank you for this little glimpse into your relationship! It resonates deeply with me, as I, too, am in a marriage where, through hardships and extensive self-awareness work, we have grown to mutually love, respect, and appreciate each other. We have been living and working together for more than seventeen years now, and collaborating on mutual projects has added a lot of fun to our relationship despite the occasional disputes. I wish you many more years of happiness together
Thank you so much, Eszter. I'm glad you liked it. And since this was a Valentine's essay, I probably didn't mention the hard work and disputes that we must work out together as well, focusing as I was on the good stuff!
If you want to read about a relationship that actually did not work out, my essay of last week, "The Freedom I Craved was Mine Already," goes into that a bit. It's probably my most confessional piece so far.
Glad to hear about your relationship. I like the name of your blog! I'll check it out. 🙂
I'll read that post as well! Let me know what you think of Eszter's Weekly Elephant! I'm curious!
I will, thanks, Eszter!
Awww. Don, I love the wisdom here, both relationships and on mindfulness in general.
Thank you, Holly. 🙏🩷
Lovely post, Don (as always). I enjoy the way you bake in the good-life wisdom while offering us these little glimpses into your life. It's a treat to get to know you better, and a pleasure to benefit from your insightful outlook.
Your approach to marriage is admirable. And to hear your relationship with Jennifer is thoughtful, loving, and thriving... well, that puts the proof in the pudding, doesn't it?
Looking forward to the next one...
Great reminder Don! I tend to be too serious! Thanks for the prompt to bring more playfulness into my life and relationships!
Thanks, Wayne. Great to hear from you and I’m pleased you liked the essay. I hear you though. Some of my friends have called me too intense! It’s good to shake it off once in a while.
Absolutely!