Truly enjoyed this on several levels - among which was seeing through your eyes this part what your life was like when living in between commitments that might seem larger but often lead to insights that add to greater understanding - yours and the readers.
Great story, Don. I worked construction for my dad from age 10 to 24. At age 10 he had me pounding nails out of boards for a quarter. Working summers paid for a transistor radio and a bike.
Nice memory. I remember my dad giving us a 2 x 4 filled with started nails that we could then bang the rest of the way in. It took us hundreds of hits! (and many more misses.)
What a beautiful way you've mined a jewel out of that experience and shared such a tender part of your heart Don, as always mine has been moved deeply. Mine vanished into thin air when I was 8. I hired a PI when I was pregnant with my second child. Found him in Kingman, AZ and got a letter to him. He sent it back. Maybe I'll write about that someday. I was with you in the room as you were kissing yours on his bald head and tears came. So grateful to be touched by story, it's why I'm here, it's what we do right? So beautifully done, as always. ❤️
Aw, Niki, that’s so heartwarming to hear from you. And heartbreaking to hear about your dad. You’ve been through a lot, that’s for sure. I’m so glad that you’re doing something so self empowering. And you’re doing a really fine job! I have not read your latest poem yet, but I am looking forward to it!
Thanks Don, you know, I am honestly just so grateful to be at place in my life where I can truly say I am grateful for it all. All of it. And...just look at all the wonderful people who are crossing and have crossed my path. I am truly blessed.🥰🙏
Your pieces always give me so much to think about, Don! There’s always this tumble of memory and self-reflection :) I often feel I’ve “met” the people in your stories, having seen so many of the same characteristics and responses in similar situations in my own life.
Joe reminds me of one of my uncles, who was also a handy-man, and lived a “born again” life in a small, country, speaking-in-tongues church. His ugly side revealed itself really frequently, yet there was never any question that he was “born again”. 🙄
There’s a saying in my faith - the mouth speaks what the heart is full of. We can put on a show to fool others, and even ourselves, but our everyday words and actions will ultimately reveal our true motivations. Joe’s attack, lack of remorse, and subsequent criminal activity are more telling than his profession of faith, the truth bubbling up through a facade he tries to maintain.
The more fascinating thing about this saying, though, is not that it can show us where someone else truly stands. The most fascinating thing is that we can apply it to our own words and actions to see where we truly stand! I've found it really useful, when I wonder if I'm being honest about my intentions over some issue, to see what my own words and reactions say about where my heart is on the issue.
And, of course, this all just reminds me how important the heart is in these equations. If the desire of your heart is to live a life of integrity, compassion, and good - then the books you choose will help you along that path. But if that’s not really what’s in your heart, any book you choose will just become an excuse and a cover and a justification for doing whatever it is that you really want, anyway.
Thank you so much for this thoughtful comment, Sydney. I will tell you that as I composed this one, and especially as I wrote the words, "he was devoted to the same god I was turning away from," I thought of you. I wondered if this would finally be the one that you didn't like. Well, your response has elevated your already high status in my eyes all the way to heaven! You are an angel! I should have known better than to worry that my truth would be unacceptable to you. Thank you so much for your continued, open-hearted and open-minded support, Sydney!
Aw, thank you, Don, that is so incredibly kind and really warms my heart! Thank you, as well, for the coffee, your support is so appreciated!
I appreciate your writing because you are genuinely searching for what is good and right, both to find it and to share it :) I'm sorry I gave you that moment of pause - your reflections always make me really think about my own search for what is good and right, and I value the additional insight and nudge-to-examine that your perspective brings!
Happy to be included in your journey, and thank you for all your generous support, as well!
“Dad never said he missed me, not even once. Never said “I love you” either.”
My guess is our fathers were shaped by the same odd culture. My father was actually a very warm person but I never heard him say “I love you.” I mustered up the courage to say those words to him when I was in my twenties. His response was “I know.” It was almost as if saying the words aloud diminished them—like basking in a beautiful sunset and then saying “this thing we’re observing is called a sunset.” So after telling him I loved him it almost felt as if I had delivered an insult.
I used to joke about my father that if you said "I love you" his response would be "Mm hm."
But I agree with you, Dan, it's the culture. My father is a good, strong, stable man (he is 84). He may not have taught us about the art of conversation, emotional expression, or intimacy, but I did learn something about the power of silence, sticking around even when things get tough, stability, and working hard. And building stuff! (He is always always building, fixing, modifying)
Thanks for checking in, Dan. Great to hear from you!
Wow, wild story, Don! Thank you for sharing. This was entertaining, and now I know you a little bit more. Kind words mean a lot to me too, though my father isn't like yours.
Love the pic of you standing on that board, saw in hand. You look badass. I must show you some pictures of the pergola my wife and I built ourselves in our backyard. It's redwood, 6x6 columns (a total of 8 of them, some of which are 16 feet high), with 2x12s as the main structural joists. We used large black hardware. I always joke that I'm the brawn and my wife is the brains and the brawn. The whole thing has a nice thick sturdiness to it, and we enjoy it with our kids almost every day. I hope you and I can enjoy a coffee under it one day.
You have had to climb many mountains, Don, not only those on your hikes. I feel that you could now succeed in climbing any mountain of your choice, make it part of you and give others help along the way.
Wow, what an intense experience. You've beautifully demonstrated how so often our work pods are like re-creations of our family dynamics, whether we are aware of it or not. And for better or worse. Your compelling writing leaves me wondering how everyone in that scenario is doing now! Thanks for painting a vivid picture and telling a good story, Don.
The “operated on a hope and a prayer” comment made me chuckle. My father-in-law has his own handyman business (that my husband helps with sometimes), that while he has plenty of experience, it’s still pretty much a “learn on the job” thing all the way though. And the family is very religious too, so it just hit all the way home
Great essay. I worked with some interesting crews myself, witnessed a few fisticuffs, even took part in a couple myself. And nothing prepares you for those renovations! 3 week jobs, allegedly, can take months.
Truly enjoyed this on several levels - among which was seeing through your eyes this part what your life was like when living in between commitments that might seem larger but often lead to insights that add to greater understanding - yours and the readers.
(Sorry for than run on sentence ouch)
No, that’s OK, that is a great perception, which I am really glad you took from the essay! Thank you!
Now if I could just grasp grammar…
🤣
Grammar schmammar. Just call it poetic license! If you call it art, no one can tell you you're doing it wrong. That's my trick anyway.
Very wise
Great story, Don. I worked construction for my dad from age 10 to 24. At age 10 he had me pounding nails out of boards for a quarter. Working summers paid for a transistor radio and a bike.
And I’ll bet the transistor radio had a strap for you to hang it on your bike’s handlebars lol
Nice memory. I remember my dad giving us a 2 x 4 filled with started nails that we could then bang the rest of the way in. It took us hundreds of hits! (and many more misses.)
Enjoyed this.
I like getting to know you better through your essays.
Thank you, Monica, I’m glad you liked it! 😊
What a beautiful way you've mined a jewel out of that experience and shared such a tender part of your heart Don, as always mine has been moved deeply. Mine vanished into thin air when I was 8. I hired a PI when I was pregnant with my second child. Found him in Kingman, AZ and got a letter to him. He sent it back. Maybe I'll write about that someday. I was with you in the room as you were kissing yours on his bald head and tears came. So grateful to be touched by story, it's why I'm here, it's what we do right? So beautifully done, as always. ❤️
Aw, Niki, that’s so heartwarming to hear from you. And heartbreaking to hear about your dad. You’ve been through a lot, that’s for sure. I’m so glad that you’re doing something so self empowering. And you’re doing a really fine job! I have not read your latest poem yet, but I am looking forward to it!
Thanks Don, you know, I am honestly just so grateful to be at place in my life where I can truly say I am grateful for it all. All of it. And...just look at all the wonderful people who are crossing and have crossed my path. I am truly blessed.🥰🙏
🩷🩷
Your pieces always give me so much to think about, Don! There’s always this tumble of memory and self-reflection :) I often feel I’ve “met” the people in your stories, having seen so many of the same characteristics and responses in similar situations in my own life.
Joe reminds me of one of my uncles, who was also a handy-man, and lived a “born again” life in a small, country, speaking-in-tongues church. His ugly side revealed itself really frequently, yet there was never any question that he was “born again”. 🙄
There’s a saying in my faith - the mouth speaks what the heart is full of. We can put on a show to fool others, and even ourselves, but our everyday words and actions will ultimately reveal our true motivations. Joe’s attack, lack of remorse, and subsequent criminal activity are more telling than his profession of faith, the truth bubbling up through a facade he tries to maintain.
The more fascinating thing about this saying, though, is not that it can show us where someone else truly stands. The most fascinating thing is that we can apply it to our own words and actions to see where we truly stand! I've found it really useful, when I wonder if I'm being honest about my intentions over some issue, to see what my own words and reactions say about where my heart is on the issue.
And, of course, this all just reminds me how important the heart is in these equations. If the desire of your heart is to live a life of integrity, compassion, and good - then the books you choose will help you along that path. But if that’s not really what’s in your heart, any book you choose will just become an excuse and a cover and a justification for doing whatever it is that you really want, anyway.
Thanks for another thought-provoking piece, Don!
Thank you so much for this thoughtful comment, Sydney. I will tell you that as I composed this one, and especially as I wrote the words, "he was devoted to the same god I was turning away from," I thought of you. I wondered if this would finally be the one that you didn't like. Well, your response has elevated your already high status in my eyes all the way to heaven! You are an angel! I should have known better than to worry that my truth would be unacceptable to you. Thank you so much for your continued, open-hearted and open-minded support, Sydney!
Aw, thank you, Don, that is so incredibly kind and really warms my heart! Thank you, as well, for the coffee, your support is so appreciated!
I appreciate your writing because you are genuinely searching for what is good and right, both to find it and to share it :) I'm sorry I gave you that moment of pause - your reflections always make me really think about my own search for what is good and right, and I value the additional insight and nudge-to-examine that your perspective brings!
Happy to be included in your journey, and thank you for all your generous support, as well!
“Dad never said he missed me, not even once. Never said “I love you” either.”
My guess is our fathers were shaped by the same odd culture. My father was actually a very warm person but I never heard him say “I love you.” I mustered up the courage to say those words to him when I was in my twenties. His response was “I know.” It was almost as if saying the words aloud diminished them—like basking in a beautiful sunset and then saying “this thing we’re observing is called a sunset.” So after telling him I loved him it almost felt as if I had delivered an insult.
As I said, an odd culture.
Loved your post—as always.
I used to joke about my father that if you said "I love you" his response would be "Mm hm."
But I agree with you, Dan, it's the culture. My father is a good, strong, stable man (he is 84). He may not have taught us about the art of conversation, emotional expression, or intimacy, but I did learn something about the power of silence, sticking around even when things get tough, stability, and working hard. And building stuff! (He is always always building, fixing, modifying)
Thanks for checking in, Dan. Great to hear from you!
My father (died in 2001 age 69) was an architect. Building…
Wow, wild story, Don! Thank you for sharing. This was entertaining, and now I know you a little bit more. Kind words mean a lot to me too, though my father isn't like yours.
Love the pic of you standing on that board, saw in hand. You look badass. I must show you some pictures of the pergola my wife and I built ourselves in our backyard. It's redwood, 6x6 columns (a total of 8 of them, some of which are 16 feet high), with 2x12s as the main structural joists. We used large black hardware. I always joke that I'm the brawn and my wife is the brains and the brawn. The whole thing has a nice thick sturdiness to it, and we enjoy it with our kids almost every day. I hope you and I can enjoy a coffee under it one day.
Wow, that's no small project you two accomplished! I'd love to see it, and sit under it with you!
You have had to climb many mountains, Don, not only those on your hikes. I feel that you could now succeed in climbing any mountain of your choice, make it part of you and give others help along the way.
That is such a nice thing to say, Maureen. Thank you very much for being here; I really appreciate it! 🩷
Wow, what an intense experience. You've beautifully demonstrated how so often our work pods are like re-creations of our family dynamics, whether we are aware of it or not. And for better or worse. Your compelling writing leaves me wondering how everyone in that scenario is doing now! Thanks for painting a vivid picture and telling a good story, Don.
That's some wonderful feedback, Maia, thank you! Nothing is better for a writer than to hear such words as "compelling" and "vivid"! 😀
I really appreciate your taking the time to read and comment, Maia. Your support means so much to me!
More proof there is always a need for good carpenters 🤣. Great read Don!
Thanks, Wayne! :-)
The “operated on a hope and a prayer” comment made me chuckle. My father-in-law has his own handyman business (that my husband helps with sometimes), that while he has plenty of experience, it’s still pretty much a “learn on the job” thing all the way though. And the family is very religious too, so it just hit all the way home
That's great, I love that!
Great essay. I worked with some interesting crews myself, witnessed a few fisticuffs, even took part in a couple myself. And nothing prepares you for those renovations! 3 week jobs, allegedly, can take months.
Nice writing.
Thanks for sharing.
So you know! Yes, that was definitely not the last time I either witnessed or closely avoided violent altercations on the job site.
Thanks for commenting, Kevin. I really appreciate it and it’s great to hear from you!
The pleasure was mine, Don.
Keep going!
A great story! Enjoyed reading as usual!
Thank you, Leanna! 🙏
I was totally there, watching the entire story unfold.
I appreciate a good story teller. Thank you.
Thank you so much, Victoria. I'm glad you liked it and I really appreciate your feedback!
You're a gifted writer! I got sucked into the story right away. Keep doing what you're doing! Sabrinalabow.substack.com
Thank you so much, Sabrina. That's the kind of feedback a writer loves to hear! 😀
Your generous nature comes through in this story.
You want to share an article you have read. You receive with open heart those that are of a faith that you have released.
And then you hope that the trio get back on their feet.
Thank you so much, Susanna. I really appreciate that perception! 💚