Thanks Don. I, like I am sure many others, love reading your posts because they are straight up, real and your insights come straight. Your words drip with the authenticity that is hard won. I thank you for it...I thank you for it. I think many of us arrive at ..."a willingness to finally turn toward that unknown fear instead of running from it; to see and accept the truth of the self"....by different routes. But I am grateful that by whatever path, we get to face those fears and see ourselves. Blessings to you mate.
This is such an incredible compliment, Ian, thank you so much! I love it because that is exactly how I want to reach people. With "hard-won authenticity" and "straight up." I'm saving your words to my "testimonials" file. Thank you so much!! 🙏💚
Great piece, Don. For a while, there was a phrase floating around called, "McMindfulness", indicating the cheapening of the practice by using it as a cure for any psychological condition one could think of. It was never meant to cure anything other than delusion.
A long time ago I asked a friend who was a devout Buddhist what exactly mindfulness is. He thought for a moment, smiled like a mischevious 8yr-old, "It's knowing what is happening while it's happening.", and walked away.
I have to admit it took some years of practice before I understood his meaning. Slow learner!
For me it can still often take a few seconds to know what’s happening. For instance, when I got irritated in traffic last night. After raising my arms in exasperation and driving too closely to the person who had just cut me off, I found myself surprised that I was still acting like a typical impatient American. That surprise was a sign of my “awareness”, because I noticed my behavior. Then I examined things, realized I was tired and had a headache and therefore was quicker to anger. From there it wasn’t a big step at all to slow down and stop expecting the drivers in front of me to do my bidding.
“mindfulness in action”, yes exactly! There was likely a deeper lesson that came later. Namely, that the thoughts surrounding that entire episode faded away, to be replaced by yet another set of concerns.
Thank you, Don. A section of your post reminded me of the closing lines of Part 1 of Mary Oliver’s “At The River Clairon.” So, I thought that I’d share them.
The lines read:
I’d been to the river before, a few times.
Don’t blame the river that nothing happened quickly.
You don’t hear such voices in an hour or a day.
You don’t hear them at all if selfhood has stuffed your ears.
And it’s difficult to hear anything anyway, through all the traffic, the ambition.
Wow, that is truly intense, Taishin, thank you so much for sharing. I'm hoping this poem is in New and Selected Poems, which I have on my shelf. If not, I'll find it!
Thank you, Don. 🙏🏼 This piece made something click for me. I’ve struggled with meditation for years and I think it’s because I convinced myself that I was failing at it if I couldn’t turn off my mind. That my thoughts were too noisy. Too consistently there. Too in the way. I even convinced myself that meditation made me MORE anxious.
But after reading this I am so thankful for how accessible you make this practice. How encouraging you are with taking baby steps towards simply noticing our thoughts. I’m realizing that self awareness is the ticket for access to awakening the mind. After all, we call it mindFULL. Of course we should expect our mind to be full.
I guess the secret sauce is looking at all the things that fill the mind that gets us to a mindfulness practice.
Thank you so much, Allison. Thank you for sharing those thoughts. It’s helpful for me in sorting out my language and message around mindfulness. I do think a lot of people get more stressed like you did when they feel they’re not doing it “right” or well enough.
Allison, I know exactly what you mean about struggling with meditation. My sister has been meditating for years and recently she sent me a link to a group she belongs to that does online teachings and meditation every Monday evening. (IMS) I really got so much out of it. One thing the teacher said that really helped me was that when thoughts arise during meditating, that they are not "your" thoughts from "your" brain--they come into ALL human brains, it's in our nature to have these endless thoughts, and to recognize that they come and go....Much like tumbleweeds crossing our path for a moment then passing on through. Not identifying with these thoughts as "unwelcome" and judging ourselves for being too "distractible" really helped me. For me, when I do sit and meditate, I feel much better and calmer..Best to you!
Marilyn - thank you for sharing this with me. The tumbleweeds metaphor /analogy is super helpful. I do lean towards self-judgement, so I appreciate you pointing out that my feeling this way simply means I'm human. Because our brains are a lot more alike than maybe we let ourselves recognize. xoxoxo I am not uniquely flawed ;-)
Allison, in case you are not already in a meditation group, Insight Meditation Society is the group I mentioned. Their website is ims.dharma.org. There is no obligation, newcomers are welcome, there’s a short teaching then a meditation sitting with the group. You can comment if you like or ask questions. It really has enriched my life.
Great piece, Don. I "practice" mindfulness in my life, but, unfortunately, I am not as consistent with my focusing as I know I am capable of being. When I slow down and allow my eyes and ears and taste and touch and smell to catch up what I am in the middle of doing, then I am in the "zone" of mindfulness. I like it there.
I recently found your newsletter, and your sharing and insight are heartfelt. They touch a place I recognize within myself. This piece parallels my own journey and is written beautifully. Thank you!
Beautiful, Don. I really loved the sizable pauses you put in the audio when you talked about the time in your life when you finally just stopped. Very effective and evocative! And as usual it was a treat to hear the little differences between the version you recorded and the current text version. Editing is a magic process, and I love a good peek behind the curtain!
I love the way you get down to earth, in all your humanness, and talk about how you still take things personally sometimes, or temporarily fall apart. But you are practicing how to pick the pieces back up and just get back to being, and you are a wonderful example for us all.
How would we even know we were being mindful if we didn't know what mindlessness felt like? I think we need both, like how a single note played on a guitar is actually not a static thing at all, but an oscillation back and forth, a rapid flashing of sound and silence, a pushing and pulling of air molecules in a chain of waves from string to eardrum to brain to consciousness. All we can do is dance!
And finally...your words about rock bottom being a natural place to start discovering mindfulness reminded me of this passage from Rachel Kann's "I Know This":
I know you enjoy noticing the differences between the print and audio. There is now even more difference, as you will see when you read the apology I had to issue on Notes. Had to remove a phrase. I could probably go into audacity and remove it there too, just feel a little overwhelmed by the prospect right now.
Yes, I did see that note, and I appreciate your humility and willingness to change. Indeed, inside every thought of "I could never commit suicide...it's just too extreme, and would hurt too many people, and I know things will get better for me in time" is a hidden thought that goes something like this: "For those who do choose to take their own life, their inner suffering must be so great that I cannot even fathom it, and I can appreciate the desire for relief." We can have empathy for those who have decided to end their mortal consciousness as we know it, even as we experience it as a great tragedy. When someone close to us ends their life, someone we respected and valued, that's when the sheer magnitude of their pain can't help but be seen. With practice, we can extend this lovingkindness to all humans, and all forms of life, no matter their paths.
Lovely post, Don. Including two of my favourite books too. You are so right that it’s not a fad. It changed me completely and is now an integral part of my life. I don’t think you can stop once you really get it and start living like it. Thanks for sharing your fallibilities and vulnerabilities. I think we’re making the world a better place every time we’re brave enough to do this. And I love reading about your journey 💙
Benefit of ongoing practice of Meditation/Contemplation:
By becoming still, observing our thoughts, we discover our authentic self as we let go
of what keeps our false self
going. We discover that we are
good despite our egoic shadow side...that ultimately we are one with Consciousness Itself...Love. When our actions come from Love, we are changed. Our little world changes because we have changed.When our little world changes, the wider world is lifted a bit!
There's something so gentle and raw about your writing, Don. I opt not to listen to your audio, and yet I can hear your voice as I read. Almost like you are sitting next to me, sipping coffee, as we talk and listen to the windchimes on my porch together. I like that kind of gentle companionship. Thank you.
I agree with you, Mindfulness is about Paying Attention. It's about slowing down. And when you slow down and pay attention, you stop doing things like marrying the wrong person because you are afraid to be lonely. Rather, you invite Loneliness to sit with you on the porch and sip coffee while listening to windchimes. And then, in that slowing down with loneliness by your side, something miraculous happens, you make friends with Loneliness, and she isn't so scary anymore. She takes off her scary hoody and reveals that her real name is Solitude.
That process happened to me in my divorce. In my case, I was "mindful" enough to "pay attention" in my first marriage and choose not to have children with a man who would not father his own children. And now, sitting on the other side of 50, watching my friends celebrate grandchilden, I am sitting on the porch sipping coffee with Childlessness, hoping she will take her hoodie off and show me another side.
Mindfulness is not a fad. It's not easy. It's slow. And it's gentle as soft windchimes.
This is so beautiful, Teri. Thank you for such a thoughtful reply. I'm so grateful for you, and glad you too know how to "make friends" with all of your feelings and experiences. You're a gentle and loving soul! 🩷
So many quote-worthy (keep-worthy) nuggets here, Don. If you don't mind me asking, does your partner practice similarly? I wonder about how couples navigate this when they aren't moving on parallel paths.
Thank you for always being a voice for what's possible!
Thank you so much, Elizabeth. I don't mind you asking. Jennifer does not practice formally but it's not as if she's a Christian and I'm an atheist (or worse Republican/Democrat haha). She has a beautiful soul. Jennifer relies on people, connections, friends, much more than I do. I spend more time alone, in the woods, at coffee shops. We both read every day but slightly different subjects. She enjoys adventure, true crime, or any good page turner. I'm Mr. Serious and I read literary fiction that must address the human predicament, or works on mindfulness and Buddhism. She enjoys being the center of attention and is really good at rallying people; she leads art workshops for kids, adults with disabilities, the elderly, etc. She also performs as a singer/songwriter. I used to also perform but I became too self-conscious and tense and gave it up. (I have been leading the book club of my meditation group, and though I get nervous every time, I am always super happy and satisfied afterward. This is the limit of my public speaking right now).
I know this is way more than you asked for but I enjoyed the comparison. Thanks for the great question, Elizabeth!
Oh, but I guess I didn't really answer your question about how couples navigate different paths; Jennifer is not only supportive of my meditation practice, she is really happy about it—especially the social part, where I attend twice-monthly meditation meetings. She likes to see me get out amongst people more. And I never ever try to get her to read, follow, or practice in a formal way (she says she practices in her own way). She knows what I'm doing. If she was curious to look more deeply into it, she would. 🩷
This is interesting, Don, and as I think about it, not surprising. I have my own spiritual pursuits--much more akin to yours--that are not my husband's, but it is of no consequence in our relationship. We respect and admire each other's choices. LOVED learning more about you here, so thank you for taking time to give me a glimpse into more of the Shy Guy. Just delightful.
Your essay beautifully illustrates how mindfulness not only benefits us individually but also has a positive impact on the world around us. As we become more self-aware and compassionate towards ourselves, we naturally extend that compassion to others. Your story about finding a different way of life in New Mexico and bringing that newfound perspective back to your challenges at home is a testament to the ripple effect of mindfulness. Thank you for reminding us that our personal growth can contribute to creating a more compassionate and understanding world.
This is a lovely reply, thank you, Alexander. It's such a fascinating thing to see how different readers respond from their own different viewpoints and experiences. And that helps me to learn even more and expand beyond my own interpretations! 🙏💚
I loved one commenter’s comment ‘A long time ago I asked a friend who was a devout Buddhist what exactly mindfulness is. He thought for a moment, smiled like a mischevious 8yr-old, "It's knowing what is happening while it's happening.", and walked away.’ A most excellent description. My version is simply ‘Be Here Now’. A wonderful way to live life. Hugs from afar. 🤗🤗
Thank you, Beth. Yes, that's Eric, he's a pretty fascinating guy. We've been becoming digital Substack friends and I would say we are learning a lot from each other. Thanks for the hug. Right back at ya! 🤗💚
Powerful personal testimony, Don, to what works and why. The other side of the mind full coin is mind empty and that works too. What I find is that when I flush whatever is in my mind and leave it open to receive something new and fresh, there are some surprising insights that arrive right on schedule. It was your mentor Thich Nat Hanh who offers up the mental exercise of empty mind, posted here as a link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F3XqhBigMao
Thanks Don. I, like I am sure many others, love reading your posts because they are straight up, real and your insights come straight. Your words drip with the authenticity that is hard won. I thank you for it...I thank you for it. I think many of us arrive at ..."a willingness to finally turn toward that unknown fear instead of running from it; to see and accept the truth of the self"....by different routes. But I am grateful that by whatever path, we get to face those fears and see ourselves. Blessings to you mate.
This is such an incredible compliment, Ian, thank you so much! I love it because that is exactly how I want to reach people. With "hard-won authenticity" and "straight up." I'm saving your words to my "testimonials" file. Thank you so much!! 🙏💚
Great piece, Don. For a while, there was a phrase floating around called, "McMindfulness", indicating the cheapening of the practice by using it as a cure for any psychological condition one could think of. It was never meant to cure anything other than delusion.
A long time ago I asked a friend who was a devout Buddhist what exactly mindfulness is. He thought for a moment, smiled like a mischevious 8yr-old, "It's knowing what is happening while it's happening.", and walked away.
I have to admit it took some years of practice before I understood his meaning. Slow learner!
That is an excellent definition, Eric!
For me it can still often take a few seconds to know what’s happening. For instance, when I got irritated in traffic last night. After raising my arms in exasperation and driving too closely to the person who had just cut me off, I found myself surprised that I was still acting like a typical impatient American. That surprise was a sign of my “awareness”, because I noticed my behavior. Then I examined things, realized I was tired and had a headache and therefore was quicker to anger. From there it wasn’t a big step at all to slow down and stop expecting the drivers in front of me to do my bidding.
That was mindfulness in action.
“mindfulness in action”, yes exactly! There was likely a deeper lesson that came later. Namely, that the thoughts surrounding that entire episode faded away, to be replaced by yet another set of concerns.
Thank you, Don. A section of your post reminded me of the closing lines of Part 1 of Mary Oliver’s “At The River Clairon.” So, I thought that I’d share them.
The lines read:
I’d been to the river before, a few times.
Don’t blame the river that nothing happened quickly.
You don’t hear such voices in an hour or a day.
You don’t hear them at all if selfhood has stuffed your ears.
And it’s difficult to hear anything anyway, through all the traffic, the ambition.
Wow, that is truly intense, Taishin, thank you so much for sharing. I'm hoping this poem is in New and Selected Poems, which I have on my shelf. If not, I'll find it!
Thank you, Don. 🙏🏼 This piece made something click for me. I’ve struggled with meditation for years and I think it’s because I convinced myself that I was failing at it if I couldn’t turn off my mind. That my thoughts were too noisy. Too consistently there. Too in the way. I even convinced myself that meditation made me MORE anxious.
But after reading this I am so thankful for how accessible you make this practice. How encouraging you are with taking baby steps towards simply noticing our thoughts. I’m realizing that self awareness is the ticket for access to awakening the mind. After all, we call it mindFULL. Of course we should expect our mind to be full.
I guess the secret sauce is looking at all the things that fill the mind that gets us to a mindfulness practice.
🙏🏼✨ loved all of this.
Thank you so much, Allison. Thank you for sharing those thoughts. It’s helpful for me in sorting out my language and message around mindfulness. I do think a lot of people get more stressed like you did when they feel they’re not doing it “right” or well enough.
The sorting of language used is exactly what helped me. Thank you.
Allison, I know exactly what you mean about struggling with meditation. My sister has been meditating for years and recently she sent me a link to a group she belongs to that does online teachings and meditation every Monday evening. (IMS) I really got so much out of it. One thing the teacher said that really helped me was that when thoughts arise during meditating, that they are not "your" thoughts from "your" brain--they come into ALL human brains, it's in our nature to have these endless thoughts, and to recognize that they come and go....Much like tumbleweeds crossing our path for a moment then passing on through. Not identifying with these thoughts as "unwelcome" and judging ourselves for being too "distractible" really helped me. For me, when I do sit and meditate, I feel much better and calmer..Best to you!
Marilyn - thank you for sharing this with me. The tumbleweeds metaphor /analogy is super helpful. I do lean towards self-judgement, so I appreciate you pointing out that my feeling this way simply means I'm human. Because our brains are a lot more alike than maybe we let ourselves recognize. xoxoxo I am not uniquely flawed ;-)
Allison, in case you are not already in a meditation group, Insight Meditation Society is the group I mentioned. Their website is ims.dharma.org. There is no obligation, newcomers are welcome, there’s a short teaching then a meditation sitting with the group. You can comment if you like or ask questions. It really has enriched my life.
Thank you for sharing this, Marilyn! I think I will check it out.
Great piece, Don. I "practice" mindfulness in my life, but, unfortunately, I am not as consistent with my focusing as I know I am capable of being. When I slow down and allow my eyes and ears and taste and touch and smell to catch up what I am in the middle of doing, then I am in the "zone" of mindfulness. I like it there.
It is a nice place to be, isn't it? Thank you, Sharon. 🙏💚
I recently found your newsletter, and your sharing and insight are heartfelt. They touch a place I recognize within myself. This piece parallels my own journey and is written beautifully. Thank you!
Thank you, Leeana. I'm so happy to have you here! 🙏💚
Beautiful, Don. I really loved the sizable pauses you put in the audio when you talked about the time in your life when you finally just stopped. Very effective and evocative! And as usual it was a treat to hear the little differences between the version you recorded and the current text version. Editing is a magic process, and I love a good peek behind the curtain!
I love the way you get down to earth, in all your humanness, and talk about how you still take things personally sometimes, or temporarily fall apart. But you are practicing how to pick the pieces back up and just get back to being, and you are a wonderful example for us all.
How would we even know we were being mindful if we didn't know what mindlessness felt like? I think we need both, like how a single note played on a guitar is actually not a static thing at all, but an oscillation back and forth, a rapid flashing of sound and silence, a pushing and pulling of air molecules in a chain of waves from string to eardrum to brain to consciousness. All we can do is dance!
And finally...your words about rock bottom being a natural place to start discovering mindfulness reminded me of this passage from Rachel Kann's "I Know This":
"And I know that you gotta know how to listen
To the sound of your own heart beat
In the dead quiet of night sometimes
And I know that can be so frightening but
I also know that the deepest darkness
Is always the most enlightening"
Thanks a lot, Mike. Really good stuff by Rachel!
I know you enjoy noticing the differences between the print and audio. There is now even more difference, as you will see when you read the apology I had to issue on Notes. Had to remove a phrase. I could probably go into audacity and remove it there too, just feel a little overwhelmed by the prospect right now.
Yes, I did see that note, and I appreciate your humility and willingness to change. Indeed, inside every thought of "I could never commit suicide...it's just too extreme, and would hurt too many people, and I know things will get better for me in time" is a hidden thought that goes something like this: "For those who do choose to take their own life, their inner suffering must be so great that I cannot even fathom it, and I can appreciate the desire for relief." We can have empathy for those who have decided to end their mortal consciousness as we know it, even as we experience it as a great tragedy. When someone close to us ends their life, someone we respected and valued, that's when the sheer magnitude of their pain can't help but be seen. With practice, we can extend this lovingkindness to all humans, and all forms of life, no matter their paths.
Lovely post, Don. Including two of my favourite books too. You are so right that it’s not a fad. It changed me completely and is now an integral part of my life. I don’t think you can stop once you really get it and start living like it. Thanks for sharing your fallibilities and vulnerabilities. I think we’re making the world a better place every time we’re brave enough to do this. And I love reading about your journey 💙
Thank you so much, Amanda, my friend 🙏♥️
Benefit of ongoing practice of Meditation/Contemplation:
By becoming still, observing our thoughts, we discover our authentic self as we let go
of what keeps our false self
going. We discover that we are
good despite our egoic shadow side...that ultimately we are one with Consciousness Itself...Love. When our actions come from Love, we are changed. Our little world changes because we have changed.When our little world changes, the wider world is lifted a bit!
So true; the ripple effect. As a secondary consequence of course, of simply wanting to live in a more true and harmonious way.
There's something so gentle and raw about your writing, Don. I opt not to listen to your audio, and yet I can hear your voice as I read. Almost like you are sitting next to me, sipping coffee, as we talk and listen to the windchimes on my porch together. I like that kind of gentle companionship. Thank you.
I agree with you, Mindfulness is about Paying Attention. It's about slowing down. And when you slow down and pay attention, you stop doing things like marrying the wrong person because you are afraid to be lonely. Rather, you invite Loneliness to sit with you on the porch and sip coffee while listening to windchimes. And then, in that slowing down with loneliness by your side, something miraculous happens, you make friends with Loneliness, and she isn't so scary anymore. She takes off her scary hoody and reveals that her real name is Solitude.
That process happened to me in my divorce. In my case, I was "mindful" enough to "pay attention" in my first marriage and choose not to have children with a man who would not father his own children. And now, sitting on the other side of 50, watching my friends celebrate grandchilden, I am sitting on the porch sipping coffee with Childlessness, hoping she will take her hoodie off and show me another side.
Mindfulness is not a fad. It's not easy. It's slow. And it's gentle as soft windchimes.
I appreciate you.
Beautiful words of wisdom.
Thank you so much, Grace! 🩷
This is so beautiful, Teri. Thank you for such a thoughtful reply. I'm so grateful for you, and glad you too know how to "make friends" with all of your feelings and experiences. You're a gentle and loving soul! 🩷
So many quote-worthy (keep-worthy) nuggets here, Don. If you don't mind me asking, does your partner practice similarly? I wonder about how couples navigate this when they aren't moving on parallel paths.
Thank you for always being a voice for what's possible!
Thank you so much, Elizabeth. I don't mind you asking. Jennifer does not practice formally but it's not as if she's a Christian and I'm an atheist (or worse Republican/Democrat haha). She has a beautiful soul. Jennifer relies on people, connections, friends, much more than I do. I spend more time alone, in the woods, at coffee shops. We both read every day but slightly different subjects. She enjoys adventure, true crime, or any good page turner. I'm Mr. Serious and I read literary fiction that must address the human predicament, or works on mindfulness and Buddhism. She enjoys being the center of attention and is really good at rallying people; she leads art workshops for kids, adults with disabilities, the elderly, etc. She also performs as a singer/songwriter. I used to also perform but I became too self-conscious and tense and gave it up. (I have been leading the book club of my meditation group, and though I get nervous every time, I am always super happy and satisfied afterward. This is the limit of my public speaking right now).
I know this is way more than you asked for but I enjoyed the comparison. Thanks for the great question, Elizabeth!
Oh, but I guess I didn't really answer your question about how couples navigate different paths; Jennifer is not only supportive of my meditation practice, she is really happy about it—especially the social part, where I attend twice-monthly meditation meetings. She likes to see me get out amongst people more. And I never ever try to get her to read, follow, or practice in a formal way (she says she practices in her own way). She knows what I'm doing. If she was curious to look more deeply into it, she would. 🩷
This is interesting, Don, and as I think about it, not surprising. I have my own spiritual pursuits--much more akin to yours--that are not my husband's, but it is of no consequence in our relationship. We respect and admire each other's choices. LOVED learning more about you here, so thank you for taking time to give me a glimpse into more of the Shy Guy. Just delightful.
Thanks for this. I try to practice this as well, and sometimes I go overboard and overthink. I need to find a balance.
Your essay beautifully illustrates how mindfulness not only benefits us individually but also has a positive impact on the world around us. As we become more self-aware and compassionate towards ourselves, we naturally extend that compassion to others. Your story about finding a different way of life in New Mexico and bringing that newfound perspective back to your challenges at home is a testament to the ripple effect of mindfulness. Thank you for reminding us that our personal growth can contribute to creating a more compassionate and understanding world.
This is a lovely reply, thank you, Alexander. It's such a fascinating thing to see how different readers respond from their own different viewpoints and experiences. And that helps me to learn even more and expand beyond my own interpretations! 🙏💚
I loved one commenter’s comment ‘A long time ago I asked a friend who was a devout Buddhist what exactly mindfulness is. He thought for a moment, smiled like a mischevious 8yr-old, "It's knowing what is happening while it's happening.", and walked away.’ A most excellent description. My version is simply ‘Be Here Now’. A wonderful way to live life. Hugs from afar. 🤗🤗
Thank you, Beth. Yes, that's Eric, he's a pretty fascinating guy. We've been becoming digital Substack friends and I would say we are learning a lot from each other. Thanks for the hug. Right back at ya! 🤗💚
Powerful personal testimony, Don, to what works and why. The other side of the mind full coin is mind empty and that works too. What I find is that when I flush whatever is in my mind and leave it open to receive something new and fresh, there are some surprising insights that arrive right on schedule. It was your mentor Thich Nat Hanh who offers up the mental exercise of empty mind, posted here as a link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F3XqhBigMao
Thank you, Gary. I am looking forward to watching that!
Equilibrium. Mindfulness meditation maintenance.