And if you, as the house, get suddenly stripped of your blue paint or other defining feature, try not to scramble to lather on another layer. When one piece of identity slips away, it’s a beautiful moment to reconsider if you need any of the labels. Does holding them tightly bring peace? Or perhaps holding them a bit more loosely? Or maybe not at all.
Thank you, Michaela! You understood that my metaphor is meant only to consider the depth and permanence of our self image, not to say we should and must remove our masks. It’s our choice! 🙏💚
Wonderful analogy of what in Jungian terms is 'persona', Dan. To use your analogy, if we want to get to further depths, we go down into the basement/Unconscious which can begin to be accessed through, for example, our dreams. Mindfulness is useful too.
Don, excellent piece. A few years ago I went through a period of self-examination. I wasn't very happy with what I was seeing in the mirror (metaphorically and literally). However, I was convinced that was simply who I was and there wasn't anything I could do about it. I had accepted my "Blueness" as reality and didn't see it for the mask it was, covering so much underneath. It took me some time to grasp this concept and realize that I could choose to keep the mask for myself or for others. I could also choose to remove it for myself or others. But I didn't have to just accept it without options. I personally chose to start peeling away the exterior layer so I would be able to see what was beneath. I am glad I did. It has, and continues to be, a wonderful process. I am discovering more hues in my being each day. All the best my friend.
Perfect response, Matthew! There is nothing more I can say except thanks for making me smile. I especially loved, “I am discovering more hues in my being each day.”
Thanks for this it’s true! I teach a course on autobiographical writing and I’ve been looking for a way to describe what you do when you write about yourself-- what you describe as meditation is exactly what I’ve been looking for -- I’m stealing it with thanks! (Not really -- just kidding -- but you have helped) -- it’s really good.
In fact, thinking about it now, I could even use the metaphor and put your article in the group (translated into German -- with link) if you give me permission -- what do you think?
But mainly I wanted to say thanks you really hit the nail on the nose !
Well, my metaphor has never been challenged since I only just came up with it. Therefore, there are probably many things that it cannot hold up to. 🙂 (the entire essay is meant only to be thought-provoking.)
But also, toward the end where I say that if someone asks you what color your house is, you can just say that it’s blue and keep your thoughts to yourself; that could be considered a metaphor for self protection.
I am certainly not saying that we SHOULD strip off the paint. Only that we might like to understand what we would see if we did.
Good question ! It probably can, but you have to take into account choice. That is, choosing who you let see who you really are. That’s not a negative… neurodivergent people choose frequently to mask, as a protective measure to avoid being judged or treated differently from others. It’s not a bad thing if it helps make life better and more comfortable. It doesn’t make them less mindful, just less vulnerable to prejudice. It’s only negative if it’s being used to deceive others in a way that’s prejudicial to them. Food for thought though ☺️
Late in my life I discovered I was Aspergers. I am utterly guileless. A few months ago I spent 3 days giving evidence. All the lawyers agreed I was brutally honest. My lawyer even said I was honest even though it did not always serve my interest. I have no idea what he was referring to. Sometimes I wish I was a little more artful in establishing a veneer of what people expect not what I am. But I have no idea how to do it.
Don’t worry about it. You are fine as you are. The world needs more honesty and guileless people I’m also like that and now at 64, I have given up trying to be what others expect… being me, in all my differently wired glory, is just fine.
Love sitting with this, Don. The inward attention of mindfulness reminds me of Alice walking through the looking glass. How thin is the veneer I can sometimes project? Thank you for this, Don.
Awesome, Don! I heard/read many especially poetic moments within this, from little phrases like "glib or cryptic" to the array of "-tions" in your paragraph that begins with "Likewise", and your final sentence which reads almost like a children's song.
It's funny you mention the thing about color just being a function of our brain/mind's reaction to wavelengths of light, which is where MY brain/mind immediately went when I first started the essay. 🤣 You know me (and similar readers) well and predicted this.
"provided you know your friend is ready for a stimulating conversation about the true nature of reality" --> I think all of my friends have to be ready for this at any given moment...it's just how I tick.
It was a wonderful essay in content as well. I kept thinking about something you said to me early in our friendship, about how when you really dig down into it, you are nothing at all, in some sense. Or you are everything. Both are valid viewpoints. I think the way we define who we are is very context dependent. In some situations, it makes sense to call out our personality and habits as defining "us." In others, those shallow things like name and occupation do matter. When you and I are sitting on my back porch in some hypothetical future meetup, and our eyes meet for a moment, and there's a deep understanding of what we are (and how there is no true boundary between us) before we even have a chance to think or speak...that's my favorite kind of self!
Thanks for this great response, Mike. You are absolutely right about context. Thich Nhat Hanh speaks about two realities; “historical reality,” where it’s important to have names and house colors so we can communicate with one another, and “ultimate reality,“ where we understand that our house isn’t really blue, you aren’t really Mike, I am not really Don, and even, if our minds are capable of going there, that nothing is independent or separate.
I’ve had two thoughts recently that helped me grasp this unity, and what the heck, I’ll share them with you.
The first is about turkeys, believe it or not. Our turkey population on Cape Cod has grown significantly, to the point where we see turkeys hanging around our house like chickens in a barnyard. The other day I saw a flock of turkeys three towns over, and I thought, those are the same turkeys as the ones in my yard. Not literally the same turkeys. But I got a strong sense of “turkey” as a single entity with a single purpose; survival. How could the turkeys five miles away look just the same as the turkeys here, if they are not one entity?
The other thought was about sound as a physical connection, almost like a cable or rope, between me and the object making the noise, in this case a car. I was meditating and I heard a car go by. The engine caused pressure waves to emanate in all directions. My body began to resonate along with the soundwaves, including my ears, which sent a signal to my brain for “sound.” The fact that I and the air and the car were all resonating together made me feel that we were a single entity. A unit.
This connection through space that all things share isn’t something that we think about in general. I know that your man Alan Watson thinks about it lol. But I’ve noticed that the more I think about it, the more I sense the reality of it. Proof that our thoughts, in many ways, imply our perception of reality (but then, if that is true, unity could be just as false as separateness ha ha).
Oh, and by the way, yes, indeed, Mike, I had you in mind when I wrote that line about having a conversation with your friend about the true nature of reality! 😆
Shortly after we moved in, we painted our house purple. We live in MN, and purple is a prominent color for our culture. Is it purple for the MN Vikings football team? Is it purple in honor of the artist formerly known as Prince?
It's purple cuz I love the color purple. It's purple cuz Alice Walker wrote that "it pisses God off if you walk by the color purple in a field somewhere and don't notice it."
And there. right there. walking by the color purple in a field somewhere and noticing it IS mindfulness. and mindfulness is living life to the fullest in every single teeny tiny moment.
--
a couple (three) decades ago, I taught high school. I was gifted the opportunity to lead a class of high school students who really didn't want to be in school but were court ordered to be in my class. I invited my friend and spiritual teacher Ken to come speak to the class. it was a small class that day, 8 very rough and tumble type juveniles, many of them also court ordered to report to parole officers weekly. Ken asked them "who are you?" and they went around the room with the various stock answers "a kid" "a thug" "a boyfriend" "a son"...and Ken countered each and every answer. "Yes, you are a son, but that's your relationship to someone else...who are YOU beyond that?" Coaxing them to dig deeper.
I walked away from that 45-minute conversation with a lesson bigger than what Ken had intended. I walked away knowing that every human soul, no matter what "thug world" they come from has the capacity to dig deeper into life, if only just invited gently to do so.
That's how I feel about your writing Don, you gently invite your readers to dig deeper. 🙏
I should have asked you to send me a picture of your purple house and used a purple metaphor instead of a blue metaphor 😃 (especially since blue can be mistaken as a political message, which this is not).
Thank you so much for reading and commenting and for always being here. You are truly a gem, Teri! 🙏💜💜
Great post. We shouldn't be confined by the labels stuck on us. It got me thinking about something else—when looking at others, we shouldn't be limited by the 'blue' we know of them and overlook the rest of them, including their room for growth and change.
Aaa yes! We're so much more than the image we present to the world. We can strip it all away, like you said, like peeling paint. It’s not something I think about often, but your words made it impossible to ignore!
It’s a new metaphor that I just came up with so I’m sure it will be misinterpreted or misperceived. I hope that readers do not think I’m suggesting people should be without color or flare. Note that you can open the door and step inside the house without stripping the paint! 😀
And perhaps I should have added that if you do repaint your house, it doesn’t have to be a “more conservative” color. It could be purple or orange or rainbow colors!
Thanks for reading and commenting. It’s always nice to see you here, Mohika! 🙏💚
Your essay and message evolves as you do, Don. The people who’re meant to receive it have done so (continue to do so) with open arms. & if there’s any doubt about what you’re saying, I like to believe this space of all spaces is a safe one to open dialogue and chat! 🍀🌷
Don, your house analogy really got me thinking. It's so true that we often define ourselves by these surface-level attributes – job, appearance, beliefs. But as you say, that's like defining a house solely by its paint color. It's a fascinating paradox: the more we cling to these external labels, the further we drift from understanding our true selves. Your essay is a gentle reminder to look beyond the surface, to explore the vast and complex reality beneath.
What a clear and clever way to express a deep, ancient, and in some ways mysterious truth. Well done, Don. As I read it, I get the image of an empty lot. A space. Someone asks me where I live. I say, "I live in this space on such and such a street. It's easy to find, because I built a blue house around it."
And if you, as the house, get suddenly stripped of your blue paint or other defining feature, try not to scramble to lather on another layer. When one piece of identity slips away, it’s a beautiful moment to reconsider if you need any of the labels. Does holding them tightly bring peace? Or perhaps holding them a bit more loosely? Or maybe not at all.
Love the analogy ❤️
Thank you, Michaela! You understood that my metaphor is meant only to consider the depth and permanence of our self image, not to say we should and must remove our masks. It’s our choice! 🙏💚
Wonderful analogy of what in Jungian terms is 'persona', Dan. To use your analogy, if we want to get to further depths, we go down into the basement/Unconscious which can begin to be accessed through, for example, our dreams. Mindfulness is useful too.
Thanks, Frances. And the metaphor continues! 😀
Don, excellent piece. A few years ago I went through a period of self-examination. I wasn't very happy with what I was seeing in the mirror (metaphorically and literally). However, I was convinced that was simply who I was and there wasn't anything I could do about it. I had accepted my "Blueness" as reality and didn't see it for the mask it was, covering so much underneath. It took me some time to grasp this concept and realize that I could choose to keep the mask for myself or for others. I could also choose to remove it for myself or others. But I didn't have to just accept it without options. I personally chose to start peeling away the exterior layer so I would be able to see what was beneath. I am glad I did. It has, and continues to be, a wonderful process. I am discovering more hues in my being each day. All the best my friend.
Perfect response, Matthew! There is nothing more I can say except thanks for making me smile. I especially loved, “I am discovering more hues in my being each day.”
Thanks for this it’s true! I teach a course on autobiographical writing and I’ve been looking for a way to describe what you do when you write about yourself-- what you describe as meditation is exactly what I’ve been looking for -- I’m stealing it with thanks! (Not really -- just kidding -- but you have helped) -- it’s really good.
In fact, thinking about it now, I could even use the metaphor and put your article in the group (translated into German -- with link) if you give me permission -- what do you think?
But mainly I wanted to say thanks you really hit the nail on the nose !
Thank you so much, ET. I’m glad you like it. Feel free to share and use it as you like, of course, just crediting me as the writer :-)
The paint job has more than one purpose. It is there to protect as much if not more than for aesthetic reasons. Can your metaphor deal with that?
Well, my metaphor has never been challenged since I only just came up with it. Therefore, there are probably many things that it cannot hold up to. 🙂 (the entire essay is meant only to be thought-provoking.)
But also, toward the end where I say that if someone asks you what color your house is, you can just say that it’s blue and keep your thoughts to yourself; that could be considered a metaphor for self protection.
I am certainly not saying that we SHOULD strip off the paint. Only that we might like to understand what we would see if we did.
Thanks for commenting, Robert! 🙏💚
Good question ! It probably can, but you have to take into account choice. That is, choosing who you let see who you really are. That’s not a negative… neurodivergent people choose frequently to mask, as a protective measure to avoid being judged or treated differently from others. It’s not a bad thing if it helps make life better and more comfortable. It doesn’t make them less mindful, just less vulnerable to prejudice. It’s only negative if it’s being used to deceive others in a way that’s prejudicial to them. Food for thought though ☺️
Exactly, Bee! And that’s what this whole essay was meant to be; food for thought.
Thank you so much 🙏💚
Late in my life I discovered I was Aspergers. I am utterly guileless. A few months ago I spent 3 days giving evidence. All the lawyers agreed I was brutally honest. My lawyer even said I was honest even though it did not always serve my interest. I have no idea what he was referring to. Sometimes I wish I was a little more artful in establishing a veneer of what people expect not what I am. But I have no idea how to do it.
Don’t worry about it. You are fine as you are. The world needs more honesty and guileless people I’m also like that and now at 64, I have given up trying to be what others expect… being me, in all my differently wired glory, is just fine.
Being what I am has led to the loss of my livelihood and public humiliation. I am telling my story on my Substack blog. Please read some of it 😊
"Neurodivergent" I love that word.
Love sitting with this, Don. The inward attention of mindfulness reminds me of Alice walking through the looking glass. How thin is the veneer I can sometimes project? Thank you for this, Don.
Thanks, Steve! 🙏💚
Awesome, Don! I heard/read many especially poetic moments within this, from little phrases like "glib or cryptic" to the array of "-tions" in your paragraph that begins with "Likewise", and your final sentence which reads almost like a children's song.
It's funny you mention the thing about color just being a function of our brain/mind's reaction to wavelengths of light, which is where MY brain/mind immediately went when I first started the essay. 🤣 You know me (and similar readers) well and predicted this.
"provided you know your friend is ready for a stimulating conversation about the true nature of reality" --> I think all of my friends have to be ready for this at any given moment...it's just how I tick.
It was a wonderful essay in content as well. I kept thinking about something you said to me early in our friendship, about how when you really dig down into it, you are nothing at all, in some sense. Or you are everything. Both are valid viewpoints. I think the way we define who we are is very context dependent. In some situations, it makes sense to call out our personality and habits as defining "us." In others, those shallow things like name and occupation do matter. When you and I are sitting on my back porch in some hypothetical future meetup, and our eyes meet for a moment, and there's a deep understanding of what we are (and how there is no true boundary between us) before we even have a chance to think or speak...that's my favorite kind of self!
Cheers, man.
Thanks for this great response, Mike. You are absolutely right about context. Thich Nhat Hanh speaks about two realities; “historical reality,” where it’s important to have names and house colors so we can communicate with one another, and “ultimate reality,“ where we understand that our house isn’t really blue, you aren’t really Mike, I am not really Don, and even, if our minds are capable of going there, that nothing is independent or separate.
I’ve had two thoughts recently that helped me grasp this unity, and what the heck, I’ll share them with you.
The first is about turkeys, believe it or not. Our turkey population on Cape Cod has grown significantly, to the point where we see turkeys hanging around our house like chickens in a barnyard. The other day I saw a flock of turkeys three towns over, and I thought, those are the same turkeys as the ones in my yard. Not literally the same turkeys. But I got a strong sense of “turkey” as a single entity with a single purpose; survival. How could the turkeys five miles away look just the same as the turkeys here, if they are not one entity?
The other thought was about sound as a physical connection, almost like a cable or rope, between me and the object making the noise, in this case a car. I was meditating and I heard a car go by. The engine caused pressure waves to emanate in all directions. My body began to resonate along with the soundwaves, including my ears, which sent a signal to my brain for “sound.” The fact that I and the air and the car were all resonating together made me feel that we were a single entity. A unit.
This connection through space that all things share isn’t something that we think about in general. I know that your man Alan Watson thinks about it lol. But I’ve noticed that the more I think about it, the more I sense the reality of it. Proof that our thoughts, in many ways, imply our perception of reality (but then, if that is true, unity could be just as false as separateness ha ha).
Oh, and by the way, yes, indeed, Mike, I had you in mind when I wrote that line about having a conversation with your friend about the true nature of reality! 😆
Shortly after we moved in, we painted our house purple. We live in MN, and purple is a prominent color for our culture. Is it purple for the MN Vikings football team? Is it purple in honor of the artist formerly known as Prince?
It's purple cuz I love the color purple. It's purple cuz Alice Walker wrote that "it pisses God off if you walk by the color purple in a field somewhere and don't notice it."
And there. right there. walking by the color purple in a field somewhere and noticing it IS mindfulness. and mindfulness is living life to the fullest in every single teeny tiny moment.
--
a couple (three) decades ago, I taught high school. I was gifted the opportunity to lead a class of high school students who really didn't want to be in school but were court ordered to be in my class. I invited my friend and spiritual teacher Ken to come speak to the class. it was a small class that day, 8 very rough and tumble type juveniles, many of them also court ordered to report to parole officers weekly. Ken asked them "who are you?" and they went around the room with the various stock answers "a kid" "a thug" "a boyfriend" "a son"...and Ken countered each and every answer. "Yes, you are a son, but that's your relationship to someone else...who are YOU beyond that?" Coaxing them to dig deeper.
I walked away from that 45-minute conversation with a lesson bigger than what Ken had intended. I walked away knowing that every human soul, no matter what "thug world" they come from has the capacity to dig deeper into life, if only just invited gently to do so.
That's how I feel about your writing Don, you gently invite your readers to dig deeper. 🙏
I should have asked you to send me a picture of your purple house and used a purple metaphor instead of a blue metaphor 😃 (especially since blue can be mistaken as a political message, which this is not).
Thank you so much for reading and commenting and for always being here. You are truly a gem, Teri! 🙏💜💜
this is me in front of my purple house with my purple iris bed wearing a purple shirt on my very purple 50th birthday.
drat. the picture didn't post. I'll DM it to you.
Great post. We shouldn't be confined by the labels stuck on us. It got me thinking about something else—when looking at others, we shouldn't be limited by the 'blue' we know of them and overlook the rest of them, including their room for growth and change.
Great point, Hajee. Thank you! 🙏💚
Aaa yes! We're so much more than the image we present to the world. We can strip it all away, like you said, like peeling paint. It’s not something I think about often, but your words made it impossible to ignore!
It’s a new metaphor that I just came up with so I’m sure it will be misinterpreted or misperceived. I hope that readers do not think I’m suggesting people should be without color or flare. Note that you can open the door and step inside the house without stripping the paint! 😀
And perhaps I should have added that if you do repaint your house, it doesn’t have to be a “more conservative” color. It could be purple or orange or rainbow colors!
Thanks for reading and commenting. It’s always nice to see you here, Mohika! 🙏💚
Your essay and message evolves as you do, Don. The people who’re meant to receive it have done so (continue to do so) with open arms. & if there’s any doubt about what you’re saying, I like to believe this space of all spaces is a safe one to open dialogue and chat! 🍀🌷
Thanks, Mohika, I feel the same. 💚🩷
Great headline!
I should add, it wasn’t easy. I went through many titles before finally landing on this one.
Thanks, Phil
Don, your house analogy really got me thinking. It's so true that we often define ourselves by these surface-level attributes – job, appearance, beliefs. But as you say, that's like defining a house solely by its paint color. It's a fascinating paradox: the more we cling to these external labels, the further we drift from understanding our true selves. Your essay is a gentle reminder to look beyond the surface, to explore the vast and complex reality beneath.
Alexander, thank you so much for your great feedback. I’m so happy you liked the essay and grateful for your presence! 🙏💚
What a clear and clever way to express a deep, ancient, and in some ways mysterious truth. Well done, Don. As I read it, I get the image of an empty lot. A space. Someone asks me where I live. I say, "I live in this space on such and such a street. It's easy to find, because I built a blue house around it."
Thank you, Kelly. I love the insight you've gained from reading my essay. In fact, I'm honored and flattered!
Yes! I’ve even painted that idea a few times. Not too many times in case I begin to identify with it lol. Here’s one time.
Beautifully written and lovingly crafted.
Thanks, Allen 🙏💚
Delightful, relatable analogy, Don. I have a sudden urge to paint. :)
Haha, but what color? 😆🌈
I might need more than one.