I thought for sure this post was going to end with you realizing that you have become the ferryman, right here at Shy Guy Meets the Buddha, where people come to hear your perspective and you listen to them so well and, somehow, in the process, we find ourselves on the other side of a river we could not have crossed without you.
Your observation about "ancient clay" and the echoes of our ancestors within us is fascinating. It reframes the idea of a "calling" as not just a singular voice, but a chorus of whispers from our past. Perhaps the key isn't to find the one single path, but to harmonize these diverse echoes into a unique melody that is authentically ours. This perspective liberates us from the pressure of finding the "perfect" career and invites us to embrace the multifaceted nature of our being.
Years ago I read "Do What You Love, The Money Will Follow", believing it would be my guide to meaningful work. I became a psychotherapist which was viewed as having more meaning than becoming a research librarian with a side of writing, the other contender. I used to ask myself if I had chosen wisely and I still don't know. It no longer is important because being present is my calling now and indeed it is a full time job.
I think that maxim has betrayed a lot of artists. It’s simply not true, is it? The more I do what I love (read, write, walk in the woods), the less money I make.
Maybe a better one is “I do not want what I cannot have.” 🙏💚
I agree with you about being present. It really makes everything more rich and full, bringing out the value of the simple things.
With pun intended, I believe you have nailed it! A lot of people would say how fortunate you are to have been able to do so many different and interesting things and learn along the way, still learning and loving where you are and what you're doing. I(That's me too!) Maybe we should do a soul circle retreat up there next summer for 8-12 people who want to extend and deepen their relationships with themselves, peeling off and letting go what's not needed and finding essence. What say you?
I thoroughly enjoyed your essay, Don. I think it is often much healthier if your day job is not your calling. I think the ideal is a job that gives you enough financial security to allow you to develop and enjoy your true passion without the stress of it needing to provide a source of income.
Thank you, Maureen. Yes, that really makes a lot of sense. It's a rare thing to combine the two, and we would serve ourselves better to not worry about it (beyond being sure our job is not making us unhappy or bringing suffering to anyone else).
I love everything about this, Don -- especially the last story about the deep fulfillment you are finding working on your friend's house (even though it's an OPH!). And I love how you wove in the story of Hesse's Siddhartha (Sidd as I often think of him, haha). I remember reading that book many years ago and watching the film in a college class on Religion and Cinema. Coolest class ever, by the way. One of my main memories is of Sidd making his way through life in numerous iterations and livelihoods, ever searching until his searching reached an end and then he could settle into being a humble yet eternally present and helpful ferryman.
Really I can't think of a more noble calling, to help people get to the other shore. That seems to me like what you're doing with your friend and her house, and it's what you do with every post on Shy Guy Meets the Buddha. Deep bows.
Don, thank you for these reflections. One reflection back is a story that goes -- a man asked the teacher what he was meant to do. the teacher answered, what are you doing now? the man said, I'm a banker. the teacher said, I guess that's what you were meant to do. The reason I mention that is because my profession -- mental health peer support -- became my present profession by extreme happenstance. But...I love it!! and want to expand on it. When I wanted to become a musician at a young age, my girlfriend said, well, pursue it...unless it's just cloud cover. I never asked her what cloud cover was, but felt it meant "a pipe dream", or an ego want. My heart is in what I do, and that's all that counts for me.
That’s so wonderful for you. I suspect that “happenstance” includes many inner and outer factors we can’t see or understand but that work together to be sure we’re okay and using our talents and gifts.
“I probably won’t be visited by anyone, let alone those seeking wisdom and guidance” he said in a substack many of us visit for wisdom and guidance. True, not an in person visit, but lovely all the same. Thank you for sharing.
Another wonderful piece that reminds me so much of me. Here’s what it made me think of in my own life.
In my career, I noticed frequently that some people I worked with had nothing outside of their career. Their career was everything to them. They would retire and had nothing to do and no interests. Many of them didn’t live more than 5 or 10 years past retirement. I felt sorry for them.
So when I had a chance to mentor newer employees, I would always talk to them about this: make the job “what you do, not who you are”. I would go so far as to say the job was a calling for me, but I always knew it was important to have something outside of the job to give meaning to my life.
And I’m like you, I try ALL the things. Some stick, others don’t. I used to feel guilty about the ones I quit but I’ve (mostly) gotten over that. 😊
Yes, me too. Like if I dropped something after a few months or a year, I was somehow a failure, failing to appreciate the growth and learning and good time I had!
Lovely essay, Don. The Buddha advocated service to others before self. When you do things for people, you are in essence acting as a ferryman between two points in their lives: before and after the service. Your OPH work is a ferry of Amazonian scale. Just think of the joy you have given in transporting so many people to a new beginning.
Don, I'm glad you took a dive into this subject here. Like you, I've never had one thing I wanted to do above all others, and the things I've spent the most time on haven't necessarily felt like callings. And, as you say, we change, so a calling seems kind of myopic in that sense. I love the quote from Maia and the one from Thich Nhat Hanh because they suggest that our fulfillment doesn't lie outside of us. We're just "beautiful," just "helpful." We have "gifts" and "intentions" that can be expressed many places. If I return to this kind of thinking, then I stop worrying about fulfilling some kind of grand purpose. Thank you.
Thanks, Emily! Your comment about the idea of fulfillment somehow lying outside of ourselves really has me thinking. Is it possible that our entire way of looking at the world and at ourselves is entrenched in that worldview, probably mostly a result of religion and spirituality? I certainly struggled throughout most of my youth thinking that ultimate meaning was somehow to be found “out there.“ (I was raised Catholic.)
I do think that looking outside is a result of our worldview, religion, etc. I think, ultimately, it's evidence of our sense of separation. We believe we are separate from others, that everything is separate from everything else, so of course, we have to look for what we need outside of us. When really, it's in us because there isn't a separation. When I look in, what's "out" (finding our purpose, calling, etc.) either makes a lot more sense or doesn't seem that important. I was raised Southern Baptist we had the same obsession with "out there."
Sometimes I question why I had several careers, instead of one, like most folks.
I question why I have never owned real property.
I question why the idea of a family that I always thought I'd have, never happened.
I struggle to accept these things as "what happened" as opposed to evidence of my failures. When it is I alone that suffers, I can accept it. But when it involved(s) others, it is more difficult.
Don, as usual, your words put me in contemplative mode instantly. I’m going on a silent retreat this weekend and I’m sure the import of your reflections will resonate with me over that time. I worked at an oil refinery as a process control technician for nearly 34 years. Monetarily I provided for family and self but fulfilling? Not really? I’ve been retired from a paycheck for nearly 9 years now and the endeavors I’ve been on without compensation are the best. Thanks for this, Don.
Thanks, Steve! I feel the same; only now that I am beginning to feel the freedom to pursue without guilt endeavors that don’t lead to a paycheck, Am I feeling a much stronger sense of well-being. 💚
I think you are me in an adjacent life. I took the road of artist. I am constantly being asked about the joy I must have of "doing" what I love. Sometimes I love it, sometimes I like cleaning the sink, building shelves, making pasta, gardening... the list goes on. The assessment that I am lucky to do what I love always challenges me. I want to love the process of engaging with life, regardless of the content. Thank you for the link to The Imposter Monster, good stuff. Enjoy the camp!
Thanks, Tomi. Yes, it was kind of weird after pursuing carpentry with resistance for years, (I thought it was “below” me in some way, or at least not good enough, that it wouldn’t fulfill me) that people started saying the same to me; that I am lucky to work outdoors with my hands, that they envy me, etc.
Thank you for comment. I just read your essay. It was very good and I agree with it completely.
I guess I’m not sure about your statement that it doesn’t matter what we do, that what we do is irrelevant. Your high school janitor was working towards a business degree, so I think it did matter to him or her.
Yes, no matter what you are doing in the moment, if you do it well and with integrity, you will get the most out of the experience. I totally agree with that!
I’m not trying to contradict or debate, Teyani. Just trying to understand 🙏😊
I thought for sure this post was going to end with you realizing that you have become the ferryman, right here at Shy Guy Meets the Buddha, where people come to hear your perspective and you listen to them so well and, somehow, in the process, we find ourselves on the other side of a river we could not have crossed without you.
Haha that’s for you to say, Kelly! Thank you for flattering me 😊
My pleasure. And I'm not one for false flattery!
Your observation about "ancient clay" and the echoes of our ancestors within us is fascinating. It reframes the idea of a "calling" as not just a singular voice, but a chorus of whispers from our past. Perhaps the key isn't to find the one single path, but to harmonize these diverse echoes into a unique melody that is authentically ours. This perspective liberates us from the pressure of finding the "perfect" career and invites us to embrace the multifaceted nature of our being.
I love this, Alexander! So beautifully put! Thank you for furthering my thoughts into such an eloquent perspective. 🙏
I love the idea of an ancestral melody.
Years ago I read "Do What You Love, The Money Will Follow", believing it would be my guide to meaningful work. I became a psychotherapist which was viewed as having more meaning than becoming a research librarian with a side of writing, the other contender. I used to ask myself if I had chosen wisely and I still don't know. It no longer is important because being present is my calling now and indeed it is a full time job.
I think that maxim has betrayed a lot of artists. It’s simply not true, is it? The more I do what I love (read, write, walk in the woods), the less money I make.
Maybe a better one is “I do not want what I cannot have.” 🙏💚
I agree with you about being present. It really makes everything more rich and full, bringing out the value of the simple things.
Thanks for being here, Frances!
With pun intended, I believe you have nailed it! A lot of people would say how fortunate you are to have been able to do so many different and interesting things and learn along the way, still learning and loving where you are and what you're doing. I(That's me too!) Maybe we should do a soul circle retreat up there next summer for 8-12 people who want to extend and deepen their relationships with themselves, peeling off and letting go what's not needed and finding essence. What say you?
Putting that under my hat for sure 🙏💚
What a fabulous idea, Gary! I hope you and Don pull that one off : )
Count me in!!! And don’t think I’m not serious!
I thoroughly enjoyed your essay, Don. I think it is often much healthier if your day job is not your calling. I think the ideal is a job that gives you enough financial security to allow you to develop and enjoy your true passion without the stress of it needing to provide a source of income.
Thank you, Maureen. Yes, that really makes a lot of sense. It's a rare thing to combine the two, and we would serve ourselves better to not worry about it (beyond being sure our job is not making us unhappy or bringing suffering to anyone else).
I love everything about this, Don -- especially the last story about the deep fulfillment you are finding working on your friend's house (even though it's an OPH!). And I love how you wove in the story of Hesse's Siddhartha (Sidd as I often think of him, haha). I remember reading that book many years ago and watching the film in a college class on Religion and Cinema. Coolest class ever, by the way. One of my main memories is of Sidd making his way through life in numerous iterations and livelihoods, ever searching until his searching reached an end and then he could settle into being a humble yet eternally present and helpful ferryman.
Really I can't think of a more noble calling, to help people get to the other shore. That seems to me like what you're doing with your friend and her house, and it's what you do with every post on Shy Guy Meets the Buddha. Deep bows.
Aw, thank you so very much, Maia. I really and truly value your support and your presence. 🙏💚
Don, thank you for these reflections. One reflection back is a story that goes -- a man asked the teacher what he was meant to do. the teacher answered, what are you doing now? the man said, I'm a banker. the teacher said, I guess that's what you were meant to do. The reason I mention that is because my profession -- mental health peer support -- became my present profession by extreme happenstance. But...I love it!! and want to expand on it. When I wanted to become a musician at a young age, my girlfriend said, well, pursue it...unless it's just cloud cover. I never asked her what cloud cover was, but felt it meant "a pipe dream", or an ego want. My heart is in what I do, and that's all that counts for me.
That’s so wonderful for you. I suspect that “happenstance” includes many inner and outer factors we can’t see or understand but that work together to be sure we’re okay and using our talents and gifts.
Thanks for commenting, Marc! 🙏💚
“I probably won’t be visited by anyone, let alone those seeking wisdom and guidance” he said in a substack many of us visit for wisdom and guidance. True, not an in person visit, but lovely all the same. Thank you for sharing.
Haha, good point, Heather. Thank you so much for that! 😊🙏
Another wonderful piece that reminds me so much of me. Here’s what it made me think of in my own life.
In my career, I noticed frequently that some people I worked with had nothing outside of their career. Their career was everything to them. They would retire and had nothing to do and no interests. Many of them didn’t live more than 5 or 10 years past retirement. I felt sorry for them.
So when I had a chance to mentor newer employees, I would always talk to them about this: make the job “what you do, not who you are”. I would go so far as to say the job was a calling for me, but I always knew it was important to have something outside of the job to give meaning to my life.
And I’m like you, I try ALL the things. Some stick, others don’t. I used to feel guilty about the ones I quit but I’ve (mostly) gotten over that. 😊
Yes, me too. Like if I dropped something after a few months or a year, I was somehow a failure, failing to appreciate the growth and learning and good time I had!
Exactly!
Lovely essay, Don. The Buddha advocated service to others before self. When you do things for people, you are in essence acting as a ferryman between two points in their lives: before and after the service. Your OPH work is a ferry of Amazonian scale. Just think of the joy you have given in transporting so many people to a new beginning.
Thank you, Arjun. That's very kind and supportive. At first I was like, OPH work? What's that? Haha! 😀
I appreciate your comments!
Don, I'm glad you took a dive into this subject here. Like you, I've never had one thing I wanted to do above all others, and the things I've spent the most time on haven't necessarily felt like callings. And, as you say, we change, so a calling seems kind of myopic in that sense. I love the quote from Maia and the one from Thich Nhat Hanh because they suggest that our fulfillment doesn't lie outside of us. We're just "beautiful," just "helpful." We have "gifts" and "intentions" that can be expressed many places. If I return to this kind of thinking, then I stop worrying about fulfilling some kind of grand purpose. Thank you.
And, also, build the Zen garden!
Thanks, Emily! Your comment about the idea of fulfillment somehow lying outside of ourselves really has me thinking. Is it possible that our entire way of looking at the world and at ourselves is entrenched in that worldview, probably mostly a result of religion and spirituality? I certainly struggled throughout most of my youth thinking that ultimate meaning was somehow to be found “out there.“ (I was raised Catholic.)
Thanks for food for thought! 🙏
I do think that looking outside is a result of our worldview, religion, etc. I think, ultimately, it's evidence of our sense of separation. We believe we are separate from others, that everything is separate from everything else, so of course, we have to look for what we need outside of us. When really, it's in us because there isn't a separation. When I look in, what's "out" (finding our purpose, calling, etc.) either makes a lot more sense or doesn't seem that important. I was raised Southern Baptist we had the same obsession with "out there."
Great story. Thanks.
Sometimes I question why I had several careers, instead of one, like most folks.
I question why I have never owned real property.
I question why the idea of a family that I always thought I'd have, never happened.
I struggle to accept these things as "what happened" as opposed to evidence of my failures. When it is I alone that suffers, I can accept it. But when it involved(s) others, it is more difficult.
JA
I hear you JA, and I wish you the best. Thanks for reading and commenting and being here. 🙏💚
Don, as usual, your words put me in contemplative mode instantly. I’m going on a silent retreat this weekend and I’m sure the import of your reflections will resonate with me over that time. I worked at an oil refinery as a process control technician for nearly 34 years. Monetarily I provided for family and self but fulfilling? Not really? I’ve been retired from a paycheck for nearly 9 years now and the endeavors I’ve been on without compensation are the best. Thanks for this, Don.
Thanks, Steve! I feel the same; only now that I am beginning to feel the freedom to pursue without guilt endeavors that don’t lead to a paycheck, Am I feeling a much stronger sense of well-being. 💚
I think you are me in an adjacent life. I took the road of artist. I am constantly being asked about the joy I must have of "doing" what I love. Sometimes I love it, sometimes I like cleaning the sink, building shelves, making pasta, gardening... the list goes on. The assessment that I am lucky to do what I love always challenges me. I want to love the process of engaging with life, regardless of the content. Thank you for the link to The Imposter Monster, good stuff. Enjoy the camp!
Thanks, Tomi. Yes, it was kind of weird after pursuing carpentry with resistance for years, (I thought it was “below” me in some way, or at least not good enough, that it wouldn’t fulfill me) that people started saying the same to me; that I am lucky to work outdoors with my hands, that they envy me, etc.
I for some reason can not think of anything in way of a good comment bu6t nothing came to mind, but I was here
Haha well thanks for checking in, Aussie Jo, I love to hear from you, no matter what! 😊💚
I’ve always believed that it doesn’t matter what any of us do, but rather how we do it.
It is important to provide for ourselves, and not be slackers of course, but what we do is irrelevant.
I wrote an essay about this. https://stayingtogether.substack.com/p/the-imposter-monster-is-lying
Thank you for comment. I just read your essay. It was very good and I agree with it completely.
I guess I’m not sure about your statement that it doesn’t matter what we do, that what we do is irrelevant. Your high school janitor was working towards a business degree, so I think it did matter to him or her.
Yes, no matter what you are doing in the moment, if you do it well and with integrity, you will get the most out of the experience. I totally agree with that!
I’m not trying to contradict or debate, Teyani. Just trying to understand 🙏😊