No Need to “Believe” Anything

Some Thoughts from my Journal

For this issue of my periodic “From the Journals of Don Boivin,” I took one longer-than-usual personal journal entry, which started out as some stream-of-consciousness thoughts on the nature of self, and cleaned it up a bit for clarity. I hope you enjoy it!

Just look at the pure joy on this musician’s face. Here is a man manifesting his essence! (This is the Kotoko Brass Band playing at the Yarmouth Cultural Center, Cape Cod, Massachusetts.)

It's just a game you see me play
Only real in the way
That I feel from day to day (Neil Young, “World on a String”)

It’s true there seems to be a fundamental flaw, either ontological or maybe just in the capacity of language, when I say, “I am learning about myself,“ or “I don’t like myself.” How can the object also be the subject? There can’t be two selves!

Well, actually, there can be, because when it’s understood that the self is but a projection, a thought process, a construct of the mind, then this isn’t a problem. After all, an illusion can do anything it wants, including seeing itself as two rather than one.

What do you think? Is this what they call “consciousness conscious of itself”? I know that a lot of spiritually-minded people believe there is a higher consciousness, some type of universal self or Divine Awareness. I have a hard time with this because there’s no evidence for it. It seems to me like wishful thinking.

But when it comes to “beliefs,” there is no point in debating. How can you argue about something you can’t prove? It’s best to let each person have their belief. We can all get along without agreeing on everything. Personally, I choose not to have beliefs at all. If I can’t know something empirically, then I just don’t worry about it. Life is a beautiful mystery!

That said, I don’t think that what Buddhists call “non-self” is a belief. Any autopsy will show that there is no separate entity inside our body that can be labeled self, that makes us unique. Decomposition will further evidence the lack of a self, as all of the elements that make up the body return to the soil and oceans and atmosphere. Where is the self then? It’s everywhere and nowhere.

I accept that and it’s not a problem for me. I can still feel love and gratitude and joy, as well as fear and sadness and anxiety. I can still enjoy refining my natural talents, exploring nature, cooking a good meal, meeting with friends. I’m not afraid of the eventual end of this temporary manifestation called me because why should I be? Surely, we haven’t evolved to worry about things like that (I mean besides the survival instinct, which keeps us safe and well-fed).

Yes, I believe—or I should say, I think—that the need to leave a legacy, to rise above others, to be great or famous or rich or widely admired, or at the least to believe our life is significant, that it matters somehow; is a mistake, a result of conditioning, an inherited misuse of the brain. It’s because we don’t understand the temporary, illusory nature of self. We believe it’s something permanent, and because it isn’t, that very same self short-circuits, goes into a manic state, desperate to prove itself. It seeks validation in so many ways, some obvious and some so very subtle. See me, love me, compliment me, recognize me.

(I do grant that in some ways, our need to be liked is an evolutionary quirk, geared toward assuring we weren’t shunned, banned from the tribe and left to the dangers of isolation. That’s kind of eye-opening and strange when you think about it; imagine the trait for not caring what others think being weeded out by natural selection!)

I’m not saying I’ve escaped this need to be validated, to be special. A lifetime of conditioning isn’t instantly vaporized by an intellectual understanding. But understanding the true, impermanent, and illusory nature of self helps me to keep those needs from getting out of hand and guiding me along false paths lined with unhappiness and disappointment (paths I traveled for many years before discovering mindfulness and meditation!).

I like to compare enjoying life even while relying on no god, no soul, and no real self to children playing princess or pushing trucks in the sandbox. They know they’re pretending but they don’t care; they’re entranced and filled with wonder anyway.

I’m playing life, and I’m entranced and filled with wonder, too!

Mural by artist Jackie Reeves on the Cotuit Center for the Arts Art Bus, a mobile art classroom on Cape Cod

If you’re a fan of Shy Guy Meets the Buddha, and you have the financial means, your goodwill and generosity will help me to keep these life-affirming messages and musings freely available to all, and I will be deeply grateful! 🙏💚

*Buddha-themed text line divider designed by

Teri Leigh 💜